Thursday, December 30, 2004
My Aunt Willie took sick this summer, being diagnosed with cancer. She has battled through treatment - determined to see past the cold winter days as she longed for the sunshine of the new summer to come. The past few days have seen for a weaker time and she is now waiting in peace for the next phase of her journey through life. It won't be long before she gets to personally meet Jesus with His extended hand and smiling face. He will soon embrace my wonderful aunt as He escorts her through the golden paths of heaven. She soon will be joined with my mom and they will laugh and dance all afternoon in celebration of coming home. I pray that peace is with her as she rests this evening and that when the time comes, that she soars through heaven just as she knew she would. My heart is heavy and sad that I soon will loose my special aunt and her son will loose his awesome mom.
I now once again find myself reflecting on life and what it really is - what matters and what doesn't. I take 2005 on with gusto, all hopes and anticipation of a year of change and challenge. I wait quietly for news of my aunt's new journey.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
I was driving along the other day and my thoughts drifted to a vision of myself. This vision was kind of blurry and all of a sudden I saw myself walking around one of those mirrors you see in an amusement fun park, the ones that make you look short and fat or long and skinny, even wavy all over, depending on where you are standing. I realized that the past year I have actually been the product of a mirror that was somehow showing my reflection in those ways. One day I was just as I appear and the next I was somehow distorted into the vision of a person I didn't recognize. Who was that lady with the short fat legs - didn't she once have long skinny legs?
I started to think of people and their personalities as we facilitate roles of mother, father, office manager, plant manager, courier drivers, husbands, wives, girlfriends. All of us brushing through the daily requirements of our employment jobs and the roles we carry at home. Do we ever spend time playing "our" role, the person we "really"are. The person who laughs and jokes, the one who's eyes sparkle with the excited anticipation of something that's going to happen. The man or woman who can throw everything to the wind to spontaneously just run and jump for joy. Do we often allow ourselves to let our complete guard down, banish our concerns and worries and just really enjoy life. Throw caution to the wind? Do we often let ourselves run through the rain storm with our hair flying and flapping everywhere without care?
Turning an amazing milestone in my life, I am feeling a mid-life crisis coming on. I have always wanted auburn hair, I have always dreamed of Italy and the beach house that has a small desk and computer reserved for me - the one I see myself through the open window that is open for the sea breeze to flow through spitting salt water at me. Long beaded hippie skirts look so comfortable as do capris pants and long walks along sandy beaches. I long to do something wild and crazy like call into work and take 2 weeks off, jump a plane for Europe without telling anyone until I am thousands of feet into the air (do airplanes fly that high?), carrying nothing but a nap sack. I dare myself continually to just quit work and travel for three months. To visit missionary camps, to meet a handsome Italian man, to write that book, to sit with women in foreign under priviledged countries and listen to their hearts. There is so much I long to do that my conservative reserved cautious ways protect me from doing. I wonder recently, what happened to that carefree girl I once was - when did she grow up and grab that spontaneous nature and wrap big gold bows on it and stuff it in the oversided bag that she hid under the comforters in the closet?
I often tell so many younger women to enjoy life, have fun and remember that the years fly by and before you know it - you are entering the final years of life and you wonder how did it go so fast. I wonder if on my head stone it will say "she threw caution to the wind" or "Italy will never be the same" or will it say "she wrapped herself in her cocoon staying soft and protected"..... hmmm... will my spontaneous nature return to shake up the journey of my mid-life crisis to make 2005 a year to remember......
Anyway, New Year's Eve - it's most certainly over-rated!
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Joseph looked at me with worry and I simply asked him to leave me alone for a while. What did I do? I flushed the toilet, honestly thinking about putting my head inside, and then shut the water off to the toilet. Good thinking aye?! So you ask in wonder why in the heck would I have cried over something like that? Well, It was not the entire toilet situation that made me cry. It was the fact that the "boy's" bathroom was messy despite my numerous pleas to them to clean it, my cottage deal is quickly going sour and may not close (goodbye car), the front door lock is acting up, my back patio door is frozen up strangely from the inside, the car I am driving is acting up, the dog ate a cake I was bringing to a friend' s house for dinner and the list goes on and on this week. Oh, and I wonder if I might be a single, lonely woman as I shuffle along with my cane into old age. Isn't that enough?
Well.. joy comes quick. We don't need this toilet immediately - there is another one in the house, and I think there has to be a way to fix this relatively inexpensively. If the cottage does not sell, so what - I just get to sit by the lake one more summer. And big deal if the car breaks down - there are buses and FRIENDS. And heck if I do shuffle off into old age as a single chick - think of all the laundry and cooking I will miss doing.
But you know what, crying certainly relieves pressure and frustration !
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
I think most of us hit a stage in life where we wonder where the past years have went, we realize it was a blur of activity. Are you really doing what you want to do with your life, or are you in a rut. I mean a rut that you can personally do something about. Three months ago, due to a literal crash in a wall, I turned my life around. I did things that under normal circumstances would have scared me - like quit a 14 year job - one I believed I'd retire from. I quit it without even job hunting. I left the job on August 19th with not even a slight insight into a new job. The first morning of my unemployment, I was woke to a call from someone who knew me and was put in a difficult situation, needing me to help him for a few days. Then I had a job interview three days later - to which the same day I landed the job - packed with more salary, and benefits that I didn't have with my previous employer of 14 years.
I was blessed and protected during this time period. I have grown through the experience of just stepping out in faith. This year has been a year of major trials and tribulations, but somehow by the grace of God, I have landed with both my feet on the ground. Those feet might be somewhat bruised and sore, but I landed. This I realize, is just the beginning of many changes to come in 2005.
What about you..... what is is that YOU have wanted to change, but have either procrastinated on or have been frozen with fear about? And, what do you think you will do in 2005?
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Well... my charger just ran out of energy, I am going to plug it in over night and anticipate that when I wake up I shall be re-energized. I have a full schedule now until Sunday. I guess I should be thankful for such a full social life. If I was sitting home all the time, I would figure I wasn't well liked.
from wheepy and sleepy...
Friday, December 03, 2004
I had a nice birthday dinner yet once again Thursday evening - shared with my cousin, her man and my son. Deb's birthday and mine are two weeks apart, and a few years - she being the younger party. I received really neat news - her and Dave finally got engaged...yes, they are eventually going to jump off the diving board and tie the knot. YIPPEEEEEEEE!! Congratulations.
Oh, I have posted way over 100 posts on this site, however the counter has stopped counting?! Weird. My next project is to figure out how to get pictures on this site. I have another little blog I was thinking about running, but didn't have much success with it (check it out at: singlefriends.blogspot.com) but I managed to get pictures posted on that site. I am going to try to set it up for this one now! Shall see how the weekend holds out time wise for me!
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Anyway, I am thankful for my faith and the peace I receive through all the trials of this world. With my personality and thinking mechanism as it is, I would be ravaged with fear.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
If I have accomplished anything in this life I am passing through, it is that I have four beautiful, unique and loving children that put up with me as well as the great joy of each one of you, my beautiful friends. I thank you my children and friends for being there for me.
By the way, I am the owner of a cool t-shirt that says "ALL ORIGINAL PARTS! I note, it may be true, but not by choice! lol...
LOVE YA, Cheri
Thursday, November 25, 2004
I tried to comment on your last blog with this lengthly piece. When I tried to send it, it said that it was too long to send, so this is in response to your - not having anything to write about. Maybe you can copy it and paste it on your next entry and then comment on it. I dont know. Write back, Love Danielle
Sent: Thursday, November 25, 2004 1:45 PM
Talk about "How quickly our lives can change from one minute to the next so to make the most of it"........I heard a really sad story a couple of days ago about a not so close friend but a friend and a dear old soul. She was a volunteer at my kids school, she helped out with pizza days and with my lunch program, The Lunch Lady. She is a grandmother and would volunteer on behalf of her grandson which she basically raised herself. The sun rose on him and set on him, the apple of her eye. He is in grade 2. I haven't seen this lady at all this school year. She hasn't come to any of the lunches as of yet and a few of us had brought that up in conversation. Oh well, maybe she had bigger and better things to do. She is a retired lady. Anyways, I got a phone call from my friend and she asked me if I remembered Lois from lunch days. Of course I did. That kind of woman left an impression on you. Especially the situation she was in with the grandson and all, you dont meet too many people like her. She was the kind of lady that when she spoke to you she touched you in some way, meaning that she would have her arm around you, or hold your arm and look right in your face. The phone call was to inform me that she had a bad fall and that she broke her jaw and that she was in the hospital. Sounds horrible, doesnt it??? Well, that wasn't the worst of it. She has been in a coma since then caused by, I believe, swelling or bleeding of the brain........and she has only a couple of days to live. I can't believe such horrible things happen to such wonderful people and all in a split second. What she fell on or how she fell remains unknown between my friend who passed on the news and I. All we know is that when she passes, heaven will be a better place when she arrives but the dear old soul will be missed by many. Today I pray that her little 7 year old grandson, Robert, has the strength to make it through this very difficult time that he has before him and that he will always remember his grandmother for the amazing person that she was. This is a little tribute to my dear friend, Lois. And to remind us to live life to the fullest because we never, never know when our time is up. Try to tell everyone that you care for how you feel about them as much as often - here today, gone tomorrow. Sad but true.There you go Cheri.....a little inspiration. I await for your next blog. I have a feeling it will be really awesome.Love ya!!
Danielle...I thank you for sharing your heart, maybe it's your turn to start a blogspot!! What more can I say, as I reach for my kleenex and cry for these people...especially the little boy Robert. Remember always that THERE IS A HEAVEN and it's a beautiful place. It's just sad that we leave behind our loved ones who bear the pain of losss.....Maybe if you are an incredible prayer warrior, or maybe you have never prayed, but maybe today you could try....for Robert.
Have a good evening all.... Love, Cheri
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
I have been sneezing continually all week - no appearance of a cold, I don't think I have allergies, yet I continue the sneezing pattern. It's starting to become irritating, my nose is all red and irritated from the not so soft kleenex on my desk.
I have decided I desperately need to exercise. I have visions of me in my cute little gym clothes running around the track and then landing on the tred mill...I have picked out the cute little exercise clothes, I have just not managed to get to the store to buy them. Nor have I even remotely stepped out of the car to visit the gym to even find out how much it would cost to have a cheap membership. So is all I have managed to do is decide that I have to do something about it.
This weekend is my birthday and we will continue to celebrate, heck I need to continue celebrating, after all before I know it, I won't even know it's my birthday!
I know my kids want to buy me presents and they are not sure what to buy so I decided to share with them right here, gift certificates at Future Shop or Best Buy (or even Staples), gift certificates for the Christian Book store, long socks, ink for my computer printer, plastic surgery for the wrinkles around my eyes, pedicure, MASSAGE, cleaning lady for a few months - oh a trip to Texas, Mexico or Portugal.
So...writing has been boring for me lately. The brain is stagnant and I have decided I need to go to Tim's site and steal one of his articles - just to have my friends squeal in astonishment at the level of my intelligence, then my conscience got the better of me and I decided that if I was even going to consider such a tactic, I might better check out a blog spot somewhere and steal their writing...then at least the chances of getting caught are much less....
Oh well....maybe something exciting will come to me this week that I can share....Night.....
Monday, November 22, 2004
Anyway, here's to new roads to be traveled and old worn roads to be treasured. I shall promise to walk the dusty paths of these new adventures in the midst of admitted fallen tears and fear.... but the path we WILL walk......
Saturday, November 20, 2004
The trip of adventure is not complete without a good 35 millimeter camera in hand. I am not sure if tonight I am dreaming about me in the quaint villages I want to visit in Portugal or the desire to be an amazing photographer......
It's time to dig into some real heart stuff...stay tuned....
Friday, November 19, 2004
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Off to bed with me...headache and all!
Sunday, November 07, 2004
This little boy has touched my life in seconds of my day. I wanted to grab him and hold him very close to me and protect him from the harshness of the world that surrounds him. As I walked with him in the midst of other running children, I felt as though for just a few moments, I had a glimpse of his world. It felt so sad. On the other hand, I felt so good that he felt safe enough to share his heart with me. Afterall, I just met him today. His birthday is next week and somehow I have to find a way to touch his life to show him that someone out here thinks he's so special.
Any ideas my friends?
Sunday, October 31, 2004
I looked at my stats today and note that I have written 110 entries on this site...I wonder how many of you, my dear friends, have read all 110 entries? Maybe you could share by posting a comment. I'd be very interested to know.
I was thinking as I sat here reflecting how much I think I would enjoy living in a little village on the outskirts of town. I picture myself in the front room in front of my computer, which sits directly in front of a huge picture window that overlooks grass, hills, trees and a running river.... my friends walk by with dogs or children in tow and wave as they walk the journey of a care-free almost stressless life style. Oh to imagine....
Imagine....the word sparkles in my world these days...imagine is like a sparkler lit and held up against the dark black skies of the night... how bright, beautiful and exciting !
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Today is my friend’s 40th Wedding Anniversary.
Today she thinks celebrates it without her husband.
Sandy you are not celebrating it with him - on earth anyway, but
I guarantee that there is a party in heaven with Jesus, the angels and
the family that sits with him day by day watching over you.
He smiles down at you Sandy - he shakes his head often as he watches
you dance and live life to the fullest -
Oh how he shakes his head when you set foot on the
He’s proud of you that you are so strong and he thanks God
that you have a positive attitude and you smile through the tears.
He cries when you cry my friend.
He laughs when you laugh, and he hugs you
Today he celebrates that God gave him the most beautiful wife
He is thankful that you are there with his precious
Never forget that he sends angels to laugh, dance and cry with you daily.
Today my friend, he raises his glass to you,
The wife he cherishes and loves and he says:
"I laughed with you, I cried with you, I argued with you,
I made love with you, I ate the dinners you cooked for me,
I shopped with you, and I LOVE YOU ....
"Happy Anniversary Baby - You’re one wild and crazy lady !! "
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
However, he was not always like that. He was my hyper-active child as a youngster. ADHD takes on a new meaning when this child was born! When he was just over a year old he was jumping so fiercely in his crib that he actually crashed the entire bottom out of the crib and landing on the floor, all while still jumping up and down barely missing a step. He was so busy that I couldn't even sit him on my lap for more than a few minutes at a time, and we would pass him from person to person. At eight months old he knew the word BALL and he was crazy over balls. I'd take him for a stroller ride to the local mall and just inside the doors of Zellers they always had this huge cage type apparatice that contained all kinds of bouncing balls. He'd see those balls and scream for them.
Brian loved being outside, he loved to play on the street with the other kids and when it was time to bring him in, he would scream "blue murder" (remember that saying). The entire neighbourhood would know who it was and why! Then there was the time that he thought peeing on the neighbour's flower gardens was a game. It took quite a bit of time to get him out of his newest fasination, watering the flowers.
Brian had the whitest hair I have ever seen on a baby. He had crystal
blue eyes that twinkled constantly. His smile was so sweet. He still has a sweet smile and manages to use his eye expressions to perfection. He has calmed down considerably and no longer crashes through things. He has a thoughtful and kind heart and makes friends very easily.
I am sure he wonders how he ever ended up in this noisey, crazy family and probably gravitates more to Sandy than any of us - she's almost as quiet as him. Sheira drives him bonkers, he tolerates Joseph and actually appears to enjoy the role of big brother. Me, well apparently he doesn't bother to argue with me as "it's pointless" apparently. He doesn't say he loves us - but I know he does.
These days is fasination is his little remote car. It has gagets and batteries, and a tool box that he carries everywhere - even to his brother-in-law's pre-wedding party in Collingwood where the golf course has taken on a whole new meaning.
I am blessed to watch him grow into this neat man who doesn't really want to give up being the big kid with the toys. I can't wait for a nice young woman to come along, sweep him away from his toys and make him into a good husband and father.
Brian, has challenged me, worried me, made me proud and he has made a difference in my life and the live of his brother's and sisters. He is a special person who has grown up overnight. He's the man of our house!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
I was at church on Sunday getting ready to help out with some things, and I took some time to say hello to a few friends to whom I have not seen in the past three weeks. I chatted with a few, hugged my favorite little kids (whom I really missed seeing!) and waved at a few friends. As I was heading down the stairs to the front lobby, my quiet dear friend reached out to get my attention and took the time to hug me, say HI and ask how I was. This doesn't sound like anything special (maybe because he's not necessary the "sentimental" type), and I am not sure I could explain why it was so special, but it was. I am not sure he would even suspect how his efforts made my day, but I must say as much as a lot of really neat things happened that day - this was the most special. I bet you he doesn't even realize it was him !
I am thankful for my new friends - the ones that cook for me when it's been a long day, give me more support and love than I could possibly give them. And you my extra special friend - thank you for trusting & letting me be there for you in the tough times.
Today is the 5th anniversary of when my mother passed away. I am not sad about it, as I know that she is at peace and is where she always knew she'd be...Heaven. She spent years believing yet still wondering if there was a heaven and now she has her answers. However, I did carry somewhat of a heavy heart today thinking about how much I miss her. I am not sure I could explain it, but it's this shadow, an emptiness since I lost her. It's a lost diamond in the gold bracelet that's missing. Things just don't quite shine the same without her. I am so thankful that I was given such a beautiful mother. She was the kindest, gentlest and most special person I know. Her zest in life was quiet and yet a powerful one. Mom loved Christmas and we loved watching her at Christmas as she was just like a kid when it came to presents. She loved it so much that every year (even when professing being broke) she bought herself a Christmas present! Without fail, mom would ask each of us what we got her, what did it look like, what colour was it, and what would she use it for. This was always a fun time for me as when she would ask for hints, I would give her the most craziest of hints (never even close to what the present was) and she'd spend days trying to guess what I got her. When she finally opened the present she'd laugh and say, that's not what I thought it would be, "it's not even purple, and I can't eat it!"
I miss her, I love her, I cherish her memory and I cry often when I feel lonely but most of all, I am THANKFUL for her. It was HER that taught me by example to love people, be tolerant of people and always watch for the underdog. She was a quiet, most humble woman who showed perseverance and gratitude continually. I am sure I did not always make her proud, she was a tough act to follow, but I tried. I have incredible stories to share about this woman - some that would make you laugh and cry at the same time.
So, this Thanksgiving, I am truly THANKFUL for my mom and the many people who became my family when life was a little empty.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
The limo service on the other hand was the only not so perfect situation and I am sure they will rectify the most smoky incident...details to follow..
I shall share more later, but it's been a long two weeks and I "long" to head to bed.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
I was particularly thinking last night that I must face the fact that I am getting "old". I think when you become a mother-in-law, you are in fact in the new category of "age". So, in a few days I get to bless this lucky guy and become his official mother-in-law. I wonder if he realizes hows lucky he is. I wonder if he will have thoughts of buying an aquarium and stalking it with those little pirahna fish. You know, the ones that bite fingers off when they are poked in water? I remember my brother sharing that he was going to do exactly that in hopes that his mother-in-law felt the urge to stick her fingers in the water! Just for the record, it was Glen not Rick who thought of that.
So, Sunday I have the honour of walking my most beautiful daughter down the aisle of the church on one of the most important and special days of her life. I have no doubt that this 7 lb baby I brought home from the hospital 29 years ago will be the most incredibly beautiful bride ever to be seen. She is just as beautiful inside her heart and soul as she is outside. I also get the honour of watching my other incredible three children join in the wedding. Brian will be one handsome dude in his tux and I can guarantee you the single girls will be all over him. You can also bet that I won't see him in a tux until he gets married. I am most anxious to see my handsome son all decked out for his sister's wedding. Then there is Sheira - she is going to be one of the smashing brides maids - she will be standing proud and pretty. She will most assuredly be there with a huge smile and dancing personality. And of course the child my eldest children call the favoriate -Joseph. He's going to be one sizzling young man in his tux... his spiked hair will give him all the charm and sophistication possible. He's going to be the M.C. and that is going to be very interesting. I can't wait to watch my talented child in action!
Tim, my thoughts wandered to you last night as I was thinking about the vision of you walking Abby down the aisle to the man she chooses as her husband. Your thoughts will be working through thoughts of prayers that this man will take care of this precious little girl of yours, that he would be a good husband and father and that he would love and respect your beautiful daughter as much as you love her. Scary isn't it, that this day will come and probably much faster than you can ever imagine. Trust me.
Danielle... you my dear girl will watch your three handsome sons stand at the front of an alter proudly watching their young bride walk down the aisle with their fathers in anticipation and excitement of marrying the love of her life. You will wonder if she will make a good wife, love your son as you do and provide a beautiful warm home for her family.
Weddings, the beginning of a new life, an amazing journey, a road of fun times, hard times, rocky paths and horizions of sunshine and rainbows......
Monday, September 13, 2004
I usually write on this site very late at night and often don't convey my thoughts crystal clear - and often when I look back on what I wrote, I find spelling and grammar mistakes - often to my horror. However, I have not implemented the "change" to getting up at 6:00 a.m. to write this. Apparently 28 days of doing something consistently makes it a "habit"....! Enough talk about anything at 6:00 a.m.!
Friday, September 10, 2004
Theme: A prayer in the midst of hopelessness and depression. Our prayers should fit into what we know is consistent with God's character and plan. David wrote this.
Verse 4: "When my spirit grows faint within me, my heart within me is dismayed."
Verse 6: "I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land."
Verse 8: "Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."
Psalms 144 (also written by David) says in Verse 7 "reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters."
I am not sure why I felt compelled to share these particular scriptures when my heart really has been feeling the need to write on self-esteem, but I am sure there is a need for someone to hear that there is hope for our tired souls. The sun shines brightly just beyond the turn, we will see it once we just take that walk towards it.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
This August at a women's retreat we were teaching at in Illinois, our Ministry was asked to take part in the Sunday morning services (two of them) in a capacity of sharing the vision of the Ministry as well as singing one of Jason's songs. I was excited for this opportunity to sing with my friends who have incredible voices. Where we were in front of a filled church singing - what an amazing experience. I didn't get a tap on my head and my mike wasn't shut off - and there were no stampedes rushing out the front door of the church. The song was carried beautifully and I apparently managed to carry a tune, gently. I did it! I closed my eyes and sang my heart out to Jesus and it sounded like the purring of a gentle kitten.
All this sharing was inspired by Tim's writing - to which I share here (hope that's O.K. TIM?) Tim talks about being told to participate in the high jump session of his high school's track and field event because he was "taller" than the others.
"I just ran and jumped over it. I cleared it too. As I headed back down the line I heard people giggling at me, yet I think they were quite impressed that I could just jump over it and land on my feet on the other side. I didn't win that day because in the end my technique just wasn't good enough. I could only do so much with the training I had received (which is to say, no training at all). As usual I found myself near the middle of the pack."
I guess what inspired me was that Tim stepped out and just did it. He heard giggles after, but he had confidence knowing that he did it - and despite his apparent lack of "technique", he jumped and landed!
I realise I have jumped and jumped and jumped and I finally landed - right smack dab on the altar of a church singing to the most important person - Jesus! I encourage you, if there is something you passionately want to do but are held back by fear of failure, stop there and JUST DO IT! The time and place will provide you the reweards of just stepping out and doing it!
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
My desire to sing has really been a touchy subject over the years since public school. I remember sitting with my cousin Debbie when I was about 26 as we belched out the words to a Meatloaf song (the name of the song escapes me). We taped our duo and upon completion we played it back. To my utter dismay I still missed the gig, I didn't have it. The sound of my voice made even me laugh.
Then there was the time that I had the courage to sing at Karraokee in Niagara Falls. This time I did not choose to sing, I was set-up by a friend.... as I was heading to the stage, I managed to grab the hand of a total stranger (male with long blonde hair that looked like he could sing). He gallantly joined me (and thank goodness - to my good fortune he was apparently in a band and could sing). We introduced ourselves to each other and began to sing one of those 8 minute songs (and again the name of the song escapes me). Apparently it didn't take long for the D.J. to turn my microphone off so the crowd could hear only my newly attained friend's voice. I thought I did well until I finally discovered the D.J.'s move.
You would think I would stop there... no I didn't. I had been singing for months alone in the car along to a song my friend Kim sang on her husband's newly produced CD (and by the way if you want to listen to an excellent Christian CD - check out www.jasonmcgibbonproject.com) and decided that as I sang along with Kim, I could manage to keep a good tune and actually sounded half decent. So finally, a glimmer of confidence begins to bud. Last April at our women's Christian retreat in Niagara Falls, our "techie" TULIP guys were getting my mike adjusted for my session while our worship band was rehearsing and somewhere deep inside of me as I stood in that banquet hall, I had the thought that I could sing like Britney Spears. So with head gear on I very carefully and in a low pitched tone joined in and sang with the band for brief moments. Thank goodness some sort of conscience nabbed me and I stopped myself from jumping on stage and belting out the song with the other ladies.
The story does not end here, but as my blog spot publishing has been giving me trouble, I have to do this in two parts....stay tuned for part two tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
It's the decision making of big changes that I dislike. The idea of major change produces extreme anxiety for me. Job change, moving, buying, selling, decision making all fluffs my feathers beyond comprehension. I like things as they are, then I don't have to weigh the options, second guess the effects and concern myself with the mistake of a possible change. I was taken back in complete surprise the other day when Joseph shared with me that he "doesn't like change." I didn't think a fourteen year old boy would even think about "change." I think once he gets into the routine of his new changes, he will love it. Me, I think I will also "love" the new changes..... maybe.....
I have however learned that we need to make changes after careful weighing of options, especially the ones that you have no control over, and just walk on the new journey looking straight ahead - no looking back - even if you are stumbling over the stones and slippery roads on the new journey. We won't grow if we allow ourselves to make changes. We become stagnant without change. My neighbour's aunt shared with me a month or so ago that in her opinion, we must always strive to change the places we live, the places we work and the way we think. She reminded me of the way I used to be when I was a young spontaneous, carefree young woman. Aunt Mary (as well call her) is somewhat older than I am and a very wise woman, who has given us inspiration and confidence !
In making changes, be reminded we will stumble if we take our eyes off the road ahead just to look back. The path on the new journey may not be easy, we may fall flat on our faces coming up with cuts, bruises and scrapes. Don't let those little aggravations bring you to a halt on the journey. Look forward to the new journey with anticipation, excitement and hope. Don't be tempted to take your eyes off the path to look back. I shall keep reminding myself of that as I continue to make changes I thought I'd never make. Don't let fear stop you from making decisions that you know you have to take - for whatever reason.
Have a blast today!
Friday, September 03, 2004
Turning in to prepare for a weekend away..... Night....
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Friday, August 27, 2004
From the next store window is a quiet well dressed woman who is enchanted by the group of young ladies, especially the fiery blonde. She is noticeably subdued, reserved and it is evident she is reminiscing about the incredibly vibrant young woman she once was. She faintly smiles as she remembers her sparkling personality left long behind. When did she disappear? How did she vanish? Did she get lost in the crowds? Didn't anyone miss that special person she once was?
She realizes that somewhere along the journey something broke her spirit, she lost her natural self-esteem and allowed life to water down her free spirit. A romantic heart broken only too many times, faded belief in herself, self-doubt and disappointed feelings linger in her thoughts.
The journey through life dampened her spirit, tired her and smothered the burning fire in her heart. One day or an accumulation of many, something happened and she crashed into a wall. Dangling alongside of the wall, she managed to push out from the wall and reach for a new path. She walks fearful of the bumps and bruises, but in search for that path to re-building the vibrant spirit that once carried her everywhere. She's scared to grab it and run, but she's even more scared not to. She's tossing the bundle to the side of the dusty road and letting her tired worn legs carry her on a new journey. With hands held out blocking the sun that warms her yet blinds her, she waits in anticipation of the wind to once again catch her hair and toss it until it's tangled and messy......
Thursday, August 26, 2004
I’M HAPPY !
I’M FABULOUS !
I’VE GOT IT !
I’M BEAUTIFUL !
Ladies.... You’ve got it...because you ARE fabulous and beautiful. Be happy !
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
I have enjoyed spending the past few days in the grace of her company. We went mall browsing looking for bargains we couldn't even afford, and had fun doing it; sat together for lunches and dinners. She must be bored by now! This chickie talks to everyone in the retail stores...clerks and customers. She talks to them with such flair and intensity that you'd think she was truly interested in every single aspect of their lives. I can't begin to count how many people she has initiated conversations with these past few days. I am sure she has left an impression on every single one of them.
Hurrrrraaaayyy Sheira....! You're a blessing to me this week...THANKS.. I LOVE YA... Mom
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
I was thinking about her as I was ironing my clothes tonight. I pulled out a pair of white and blue capris pants and immediately my thoughts and memories jumped to the day I was shopping with her last summer when she convinced me to buy these pants. I argued with her explaining that I couldn’t possibly buy and wear these pants as first of all I wasn’t sure if I even liked capris pants and second of all...these were WILD. No way was I venturing to buy these. Well, I did buy them, in fact I even wore them...over and over. I shocked a few of my friends as I am sure they didn’t really like them...but I grew to love them so I didn’t care what they thought. Shortly after, I was in a little boutique at a village near my cottage and I spied an outlandish pair of black capris that had red apple prints all over them. I wanted these pants so badly, but they were very expensive so my friend steered me out of the store telling me over and over that I was loosing it as these pants were UGLY. Anyway, we made our usual stops through this tourist town and finally headed back to the cottage. Upon arriving, Linda handed me a bag and asked me to hold it for her as she asked me to open up the bag and get something out for her. To my surprise as I dug in the bag, I found the "ugly" pants. Her fashion sense got the better of her and she treated me to the pants.
This entire venture into what I call the "wild" side of weird clothes started when Sandy bought me a pair of hip hugger "flair" jeans for my birthday two years ago. I remember opening the box and my heart sank as I looked at these jeans that I knew she spent way too much money on. How was I possibly going to tell her that I couldn’t wear them? BELL BOTTOMS - I didn’t like that one bit. I felt silly even thinking about waking around with them on. With age, I had graduated to straight leg pants, afterall we wore these "bell bottoms" in the 70's. However, after being convinced by Sandy that it was time for me to get "with it", I stepped out of my comfort zone and wore them.. To my amazement I actually looked pretty good in them and even had a few eyes turn when I wore them...it just took me some time to stop attempting to pull them up from my hips to my waist.
Thanks Sandy for showing me that I don’t have to "age"without fashion, but more importantly I can mature and continue to step out of my comfort zone! I LOVE YA! MOM.....
Sunday, August 22, 2004
There is so much life going on around us that we can't begin to even imagine. Imagine! What a powerful word, what an adventure that word can bring us to.Imagine you can stop what you are doing, sit back and take a glimpse into the lives of people in Japan, Holland, Georga, Florida, downtown Toronto or dare if you can to imagine the jungles in the world. Can you just imagine what life elsewhere in the world might look like? Yes, I am pondering how beautiful it is to fold my arms, lay my head down as I take in the sun's rays and people watch. See you in Japan or maybe Greece on this adventure. Night....
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
NIGHT ONCE AGAIN ..........
Monday, August 16, 2004
"One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown ups, just babies"
"God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this."
"Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church."
"His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important to God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important." (I loved that one).
"If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids."
"But... you shouldn't always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases. And... that's why I believe in God."
From the adult reading this article...I share why I believe in God....
"When I walk the journey of life and I stumble on the stones and rocks thrown in my path, even though my feet are tired, cut, sore, and bleeding He will always reach out to pick me up, dust me off and put that cushion under my feet until they heal enough to walk the rest of the journey."
And that ladies and gentlemen is just the beginning of why I believe in God !
What's yours! Night.......
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Let the sunshine beam down into the window of each of your hearts. Night.........
Thursday, August 12, 2004
In a discussion with my daughter and another friend wherein I stated that it's been hard to find a nice guy (or even get a date to figure out if they are nice). To my surprise, they shared that maybe I intimidate men. Afterall, in THEIR opinion I am independent, strong minded and willed, aggressive, very friendly and confident and drive a nice car. Hmmm... really I thought - is that what I really look like from the outside? Then today someone shared as they looked my way, that their "partner" is intimidated by TALL woman. That comment really took me back because first of all this particular person they were talking about has always seemed to me to be one who would not be intimidated by much, let alone a tall woman. Apparently I am "TALL". Looks like I am batting to strike out on all counts. Someone please make me short, helpless, weak, timid and driving a car that actually belongs to me, which would be more in line with what I could afford....like a Pinto or something - then maybe the great date would ask me out !
Night...as I drift off to Mexico basking in the sun....
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
I was very glad to open my eyes and realize that I was only dreaming and that the sun is truly still shining - although faintly. Chin up all... stop complaining about this "cold" weather...... it could be worse!
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Well, we are all safely home from our retreat in Illinois. We shared an incredible experience bringing the TULIP retreat to the U.S. This is our first international retreat and it was successful and we were blessed with meeting so many new friends and shared many fun experiences. However, in the midst of this fun time, I had a mishap. On my way way out out of the bathroom into the bedroom at the home we were staying in, I caught my foot on the door frame, pulling my baby toe completely away from the rest of my toes - four toes pointing north and the baby toe heading east! In pain I hobbled to the bed, sat with my foot up in agony waiting for what I actually thought was a "charlie horse" to subside. The sharp pain in my foot slowly started to subside however the easterly direction my baby toe had taken, still had not changed course. I called Michelle into the room in exasperation realizing my toe was broken, with possible chances it would drop off my foot. What an ugly site, Michelle smiled with concern but her eyes showed disbelief. Long story, we were blessed that the Pastor of the church we were visiting managed to contact one of their members (who happened to be a husband /wife team of chiropractors) who immediately invited us to their office to complete x-rays. Done - with bad news that I would have to visit the hospital immediately to have a "soft" cast put on the badly broken toe, at an approximate cost of $1000-$1500 U.S. Dollars - just like me to forget an important job of getting medical insurance!! So, we hobbled back to Pastor Johnathan's house where the group of about 15 or so adults and children gathered around to peer at the gimpy toe. I decided to not venture the hospital route for expensive unaffordable medical help. The group decided that we would all pray for healing of this messy toe. With little 3 year old Mika joining in, we had group prayer ending with the girls providing medical assistance wherein they taped my toe back into place (ouch, ouch, ouch !).
I spent the next two days being whipped around in the wheel chair, (thanks Garry and Jay) and gracefully guided from conference centre to the dinner hall (thanks to the graceful Anita, Kim, Michelle, Louise and Karen!!), carried on piggy back rides (thanks Lance!) and just beautifully taken care of. Upon our return very late last night, Louise zipped me into the local hospital for medical assistance and more x-rays (where OHIP would now cover the expense). Results - the technician said that "we" did an incredible job of putting the toe back into place - and when she saw the original x-rays taken in the U.S. , she was totally shocked at the healing that had taken place. With big smiles and not so much surprise, we had shared the story of the answers to prayers for healing. I am hoping this story will stay with her for a long time as it's a beautiful example of God's healing and love!!
Tim - a picture of the toe will be on it's way in a couple of days!
Night from hobbie the knob who didn't get insurance!
Monday, August 02, 2004
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
anyway, what I read tonight something written by C.S. Lewis. Just opening the book to whatever spot the pages flopped open at, I coincidentally open up to Chapter 1 (1/4 of the way through the book) headed "The Three Parts of Morality". Lewis writes that there are "two ways in which the human machine goes wrong, one being when the human individuals drift apart (or collide) and the other is when things go wrong inside the individual." He carries on to say "the voyage will be a success only in the first place, if the ships do not collide and get in one another's way and secondly if each ship is seaworthy." Are you following this? In other words, if "their steering gears are out of order they will not be able to avoid collisions". If we don't get it together, we are going to crash and smash into each other.
This sounds pretty basic. I believe he is simply saying that if you drift away from those close to you - you loose accountability. Loss of accountability gives room for corrupt behaviour. Each of us need to be accountable, it keeps us in line. Also, if our wires short out in our heads, things burn out and we get the wrong message, causing us to act out of character.
Hmmmm.... That actually took me quite a while to read and decipher. The question written for our analysis is "What is the importance of each part of morality as Lewis describes them here? IF we are moral within ourselves and with others, why would it matter what the overall purpose of morality is to human life as a whole?
So, how does one answer this question? I started by breaking the question down - outlining and understanding each part of morality and I am still lost as to how to answer this question other than we need to understand the purpose so we are aware conscious and accountable to each other to remain moral. I am not sure how much that exercised my brain, but it's a start.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Then there is me.... the maturing lady who has suddenly developed a very dry sense of humour, a little more wit (not necessarily charming wit) than she'd prefer to have and a mouth that seems to open and let some pretty dumb words fall out. And I mean fall out....blubber blubber...blaaa....
You see, the last few days I have been reflecting on my friend Tim's writings. He is so profoundly smart in my humble opinion. I have to carefully read what he writes so I can full comprehend what he is sharing most of the time. I have decided that my silly little ramblings, although entertaining to me and possibly one other dedicated follower.. (wonder who that could be?) needs to be spiced up. I need to get more confidence to share some really good stuff. So.. I am going to put the brain to work and research, study and entertain you, my friends with some startling writing..... once I get back from Illinois......... maybe.....
Friday, July 23, 2004
Not exciting, but definitely reflective...! Have a great day.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
First time I have been to the show in months...actually since I saw "The Passion" three times in the spring. Well, Saturday night we saw "Notebook". Has anyone seen it? It's somewhat of a slow moving production, but quite nice. The story line, without giving away too much of the story line, is a love story laid out before us through the voice of a gentle man as he reads from a journal. There was some humour, a couple of relatively tastefully portrayed steamy love scenes and a good bag of tears. As one can figure, the noise of rattling purses, kleenex unraveling, sniffling and tears were brought on by the heart wrentching tales of love and lost love.
I can admit it did make me somewhat teary eyed however what really made the droplets of tears fall onto my cheek and down onto my lips was one particular scene wherein the female star had realized she had not lived out her passion of painting, realization of course brought to her attention by her handsome lover. A scene shows her sitting near naked, wrapped in her lover's blanket as she overlooks through the windows of his home to the beautiful rolling green grassy fields and hills in the country as she begins to paint ever so passionately. I realized how I can't even remember if I had a passion to leave behind... and then a flash of reminder flew by me as I realize I do have passions that I have forgot to live. So... I shed a few tears, came home, spent time reflecting and went to bed. The thought won't leave my little nimble brain these days and have been doing what I do best, analyzing how one stops what they are doing... and truly work out what is important in life.
Often we spend too much time running to make a living, that we don't stop and smell the roses in that garden we spend hours pruning. We sit right there on the grass with our garden tools in hand, sun shinging down, pulling weeds, mowing the lawn, pruning trees and watering the gardens without ever stopping to smell the fragrance of those beautiful roses and flowers in our gardens. Do you actually remember smelling the fresh scent of the cut grass that you just cut? Were you not there at the hand of that lawnmower as it buzzed it's way across the grass?
Ohhhh....memories.... once again just to sit in my little cabin on the beach with my computer and music.... writing away....(oh did I forget to mention - making money while I wrote?)
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
At some point in time my daughter urged me to cross the street and continue our journey through NY. I carried this vision of this troubled young man with me. I thought of him and the many young boys and girls that are trapped in a cycle of crime and destiny of despair. The questions of how does this happen to such young children seemed of less importance than how do we reach these children and either prevent this destiny or even a harder task of reaching them and pulling them out of that pit and give them new teaching, guidance, support, and love to encourage a life on a new journey. I wanted to run to the church in Brooklyn that seems to be giving youth a safe haven and just give my time to the youth right there in this big city that I can only imagine is full of youth in desperate need. Youth crime is everywhere in our world, but in huge cosmopolitan cities it is rampant and sad. If one would only put their arms around that ten year old boy and protect him, pull him from this journey and pain, guide and love him beyond his imagination.
I reflect on my drive in NY City (not Manhattan!) as I was driving along a main highway and being in the left lane, watching the broken lines between my lane and the right lane and all of a sudden the broken lines stop and within maybe 50 feet the two lanes merged, without notice. I thought of that merging, and realized that often these youth end up on that broken line that merges into a journey they didn't even expect to see happen. It just did with ease and no planning or notice of the change of destiny.
I am left with this feeling of despair for troubled youth and thankful for my child's youth group and the leaders that dedicate their time to guiding, reaching, teaching and loving them. Our children are so blessed by these youth leaders.
Just needing to share my heart with each of you. If you have a teenager in your midst that looks like they need just a bit more....reach out and share with them, it could be a gift they may never receive.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
I took many notes as this sermon was written for me! The pastor reminded us of the need to share close relationships with others. We call these people in our relationships, friends. We are all looking for friends in our lives that will;
* Listen to our hopes and dreams;
* Know our faults and fears and love us anyway;
* Stand with us in times of adversity;
* Laugh when we laugh and cry when we cry;
* Be an advocate in times of need;
* And cheer us on when life gets tough;
Apparently many of us do not enjoy the gifts of these relationships. Fortunately I do! The sermon is quite in depth and I won't share everything in this blog tonight as I am far behind on things I need to do in order to get ready to go out of town, however, I guarantee I will be sharing more on this sermon as it was really good! What I want to share tonight is how I was able to sort out my hurt heart today and hope that if you are reading this today and may be experiencing some hurt from a relationship, that maybe something I share here may help you.
I am very fortunate as I have many friends in my life that fit the above categories. Friends who truly go the distance for ME, without question. I am not sure why I am so blessed with these friendships, and wonder if I am so deserving, but somehow on the journey through my life I have met and kept some incredible friends, a group of friends that keeps growing!
The sermon directs our thoughts on the types and degrees of friendships we experience in our lifetime. Some friends are "fair weather" friends, others are not quite role model friends, and there are the "forever friends". The "forever friends" are the ones that go the distance with us. They take our hearts in their hands with care and love and full intention of protection and encouragement.
I scan my thoughts to these different degrees of friendships and I realize I was subconsciously expecting all of my friends to relate and treat me in the same manner. How can I possibly expect someone who is a "fair weather" friend, or a friend to whom I have not allowed to get beyond my outer walls into the inner walls of who I am, to relate to me on the same level as my "forever friends"? I can't possibly expect those friends to fulfill any relational performances based on the same way my "forever friends" relate to me, the relationships are not the same and on the scales they do not balance.
So, in order to deal with hurt I must look at the level of the friendship I have with the specific person who has hurt me and take that into consideration when I allow my feelings to be hurt. If I have not let someone get close enough to me to be my forever friend, (or if they have not wanted to), I can't expect to experience the same level of caring from them.
I think because I have been so truly blessed with many "forever friends" that I just hoped that all of my friends would be "forever friends" not just "fair weather" friends. Yes, I am a dreamer...a selfish one I must admit!
Thoughts for the week.... guard your heart! Love your forever friends with all your heart. Give carefully to your fair weather friends so that you don't get hurt, and pray that those fair weather friends may find some spark that would allow them to want to be your forever friends! Forgive your friends (fairweather or forever) for any hurts they may cause.
Remember, your forever friends are eternal friends.