Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Morality... Tonight I was pretty tired from a long day. I am actually going through some sort of transition thing, oddly enough I am not even sure what the transition is. However, I in efforts to exercise my brain, I had decided to start reading some mentally stimulating things. Tonight I opened my journal a friend gave me about a week ago. It's such a nice leather bound book that I didn't want to write in it. In fact, I have chosen to use pencil not pen to make my notes.

anyway, what I read tonight something written by C.S. Lewis. Just opening the book to whatever spot the pages flopped open at, I coincidentally open up to Chapter 1 (1/4 of the way through the book) headed "The Three Parts of Morality". Lewis writes that there are "two ways in which the human machine goes wrong, one being when the human individuals drift apart (or collide) and the other is when things go wrong inside the individual." He carries on to say "the voyage will be a success only in the first place, if the ships do not collide and get in one another's way and secondly if each ship is seaworthy." Are you following this? In other words, if "their steering gears are out of order they will not be able to avoid collisions". If we don't get it together, we are going to crash and smash into each other.

This sounds pretty basic. I believe he is simply saying that if you drift away from those close to you - you loose accountability. Loss of accountability gives room for corrupt behaviour. Each of us need to be accountable, it keeps us in line. Also, if our wires short out in our heads, things burn out and we get the wrong message, causing us to act out of character.

Hmmmm.... That actually took me quite a while to read and decipher. The question written for our analysis is "What is the importance of each part of morality as Lewis describes them here? IF we are moral within ourselves and with others, why would it matter what the overall purpose of morality is to human life as a whole?

So, how does one answer this question? I started by breaking the question down - outlining and understanding each part of morality and I am still lost as to how to answer this question other than we need to understand the purpose so we are aware conscious and accountable to each other to remain moral. I am not sure how much that exercised my brain, but it's a start.


Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Your Opinion....  it matters!  Have you ever had a strong opinion on a topic and were somewhat reluctant to express it, even to your closest friend.  Did you ever wonder why you were reluctant, did you question your own confidence or was it the fear of the reaction you might receive from the person you were sharing it with?  I have recently been told that I am somewhat far more opinionated than I used to be.   I guess if I an honest with myself I have to admit that the accuser is probably right.  I wonder why it is that I have this new personality trait jumping out.  I am sure it's not because I have become smarter, or bolder.  I think it's probably because I am so tired of so many dumb people and things around me that I just can't help myself.  My recent pet peeve has been drivers....I just don't know where most of them have buried their heads.  Then there are the arrogant people who think they can talk to you anyway they want.  Then there are those who treat others as though they are blocks of wood sitting in a pile waiting to be thrown in the local wood stove.  Then there are teenagers who just have no respect for anyone around them. 

Then there is me.... the maturing lady who has suddenly developed a very dry sense of humour, a little more wit (not necessarily charming wit) than she'd prefer to have and a mouth that seems to open and let some pretty dumb words fall out.  And I mean fall out....blubber blubber...blaaa.... 

You see, the last few days I have been reflecting on my friend Tim's writings.  He is so profoundly smart in my humble opinion.  I have to carefully read what he writes so I can full comprehend what he is sharing most of the time.  I have decided that my silly little ramblings, although entertaining to me and possibly one other dedicated follower.. (wonder who that could be?) needs to be spiced up.  I need to get more confidence to share some really good stuff.  So.. I am going to put the brain to work and research, study and entertain you, my friends with some startling writing..... once I get back from Illinois......... maybe.....


Friday, July 23, 2004

THE TRAMPOLINE.....   Have you ever had the opportunity to step foot on one?  It's been years for me, but I did last night.  We had a riot, being at a birthday party a couple of us ventured out, kicked the kids off - age being power.  My friend and I jumped all over this thing like fools with very little talent or even balance.  Eventually both of us falling down, laughing our heads off.  This morning I was looking at the pictures our friend took and I had a good laugh once again.  I began to do what I seem to do best, reflect.  I was thinking of life and the trampoline.  Sometimes we get on a roll in life and we are jumping all over the place, bouncing fast and  furiously.  Before we know it, we are bouncing so high in the sky experiencing such thrills of excitement paying little attention to where were are bouncing to.  All of a sudden we either loose perspective or balance and we are jumping right off the trampoline onto the side of it or the ground...crashing hard, causing possible serious injury to ourselves or those around us.   Hmmm.... we should be jumping high in life, however taking care to ensure we are not so taken away by the excitement that we loose track of what direction we are taking. 

Not exciting, but definitely reflective...!  Have a great day.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Here I sit....totally distracted from what I was doing - eating Caramilk Chocolate birthday cake.  It's my lunch break and instead of working through it, I thought I'd take a moment to write.  I just read an article from my friend's site that was the real reason I got distracted.  He was reflecting on a friendship he cherishes with a couple I also  share friendship with - so my understanding on his reflection is enhanced.  His reflection  brought some tears to my eyes and time of thought on such great friends.  Anyway, through the moments of emotions, my thoughts were taken far from the article as I started thinking about  an old girl who's at the foot of a patch of grass...she is facing a huge mountain .  One step forward and she is going to scrape her nose all to bits, yet one step taken too shakily she is going to fall right off the grassy patch into a possible ever ending canyon.  However, steps taken backwards are taken into the darkness of never never land.  So, the old lady is testing her faith, endurance and hopes that the steps are taken with all confidence that the mountain will be gentle and only slightly scrape her nose and that the steps that could throw her into the canyon are far beyond her protected steps.  Maybe, just maybe that old lady will come out revitalized with just a few wrinkles faded. 

Stay tuned....

Tuesday, July 20, 2004 I go again...slacking.  I have to admit to a streak of laziness these days. Well... maybe not laziness...possibly exhaustion...whatever..!  I went to the show Saturday night and watched an apparent "chick-flick" in the company of a nice humble male, to whom I am grateful for being such a good sport - although he did admit to enjoying the movie!
First time I have been to the show in months...actually since I saw "The Passion" three times in the spring.  Well,  Saturday night we saw "Notebook".  Has anyone seen it?  It's somewhat of a slow moving production, but quite nice.   The story line, without giving away too much of the story line, is a love story laid out before us through the voice of a gentle man as he reads from a   journal.   There was some humour, a couple of relatively tastefully portrayed steamy love scenes and a good bag of tears.  As one can figure, the noise of rattling purses, kleenex unraveling, sniffling and tears were brought on by the heart wrentching tales of love and lost love. 
I can admit it did make me somewhat teary eyed however what really made the droplets of tears fall onto my cheek and down onto my lips was one particular scene wherein the female star had realized she had not lived out her passion of painting, realization of course brought to her attention by her handsome lover.  A scene shows her sitting near naked, wrapped in her lover's blanket as she overlooks through the windows of his home to the beautiful rolling green grassy fields and hills in the country as she begins to paint ever so passionately.  I realized how I can't even remember if I had a passion to leave behind... and then a flash of reminder flew by me as I realize I do have passions that I have forgot to live.  So... I shed a few tears, came home, spent time reflecting and went to bed.  The thought won't leave my little nimble brain these days and have been doing what I do best, analyzing how one stops what they are doing... and truly work out what is important in life. 
Often we spend too much time running to make a living, that we don't stop and smell the roses in that garden we spend hours pruning.  We sit right there on the grass with our garden tools in hand, sun shinging down, pulling weeds, mowing the lawn, pruning trees and watering the gardens without ever stopping to smell the fragrance of those beautiful roses and flowers in our gardens.  Do you actually remember smelling the fresh scent of the cut grass that you just cut?  Were you not there at the hand of that lawnmower as it buzzed it's way across the grass?
Ohhhh....memories.... once again just to sit in my little cabin on the beach with my computer and music.... writing away....(oh did I forget to mention - making money while I wrote?)

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

New York City... I know that I have said I was going to write more on the friends thoughts, but today I have to talk somewhat about my visit once again to the Big Apple. The friends topic is still on fire and I will have more to say about that! I had quite the experience in NY City with my daughter last week, actually I should re-phrase that to say "experienceS". As we were standing in SOHO (the fashion district of NY) waiting for a red light to turn green, we heard police sirens screeching their way through the area when before we knew it there were a couple of police vehicles pulling up directly in front of us, preventing us from crossing the street. Within minutes there were 7 police cars (one being a NY City Police Youth department van) and two big yellow NY taxi cabs pulling all around us (talk about freaky). We watched police officers getting out of these vehicles and a couple of undercover police officers jumping out of the taxi cabs. I noticed one officer pointing discretely to a group of young boys and the other officer nodding his head in affirmation. Within seconds these young boys were up against the wall with their arms up in the air with hands firmly planted on the wall, legs spread and the usual television drama of badges being flashed and frisking activities. It was quite the intense scene and it drew crowds of people. As I scanned the crowds and looked back to the boys being arrested, I saw one young boy turn his head and look around. I peered into his young face and was very disturbed to note that he couldn't have been any older than ten or possibly 12 years old at the most.

At some point in time my daughter urged me to cross the street and continue our journey through NY. I carried this vision of this troubled young man with me. I thought of him and the many young boys and girls that are trapped in a cycle of crime and destiny of despair. The questions of how does this happen to such young children seemed of less importance than how do we reach these children and either prevent this destiny or even a harder task of reaching them and pulling them out of that pit and give them new teaching, guidance, support, and love to encourage a life on a new journey. I wanted to run to the church in Brooklyn that seems to be giving youth a safe haven and just give my time to the youth right there in this big city that I can only imagine is full of youth in desperate need. Youth crime is everywhere in our world, but in huge cosmopolitan cities it is rampant and sad. If one would only put their arms around that ten year old boy and protect him, pull him from this journey and pain, guide and love him beyond his imagination.

I reflect on my drive in NY City (not Manhattan!) as I was driving along a main highway and being in the left lane, watching the broken lines between my lane and the right lane and all of a sudden the broken lines stop and within maybe 50 feet the two lanes merged, without notice. I thought of that merging, and realized that often these youth end up on that broken line that merges into a journey they didn't even expect to see happen. It just did with ease and no planning or notice of the change of destiny.

I am left with this feeling of despair for troubled youth and thankful for my child's youth group and the leaders that dedicate their time to guiding, reaching, teaching and loving them. Our children are so blessed by these youth leaders.

Just needing to share my heart with each of you. If you have a teenager in your midst that looks like they need just a bit more....reach out and share with them, it could be a gift they may never receive.


Sunday, July 04, 2004

Relationships.... This weekend I had my feelings hurt (boo hoo, I am female!). I came home and as I was getting ready for bed I tried to sort out why I would be experiencing these specific hurt feelings, afterall this person isn't close to me anymore. Don't get me wrong here, I understand the psychological issues of hurt feelings (and feelings in general), I was just trying to reason why someone would have hurt MY heart. I fell asleep with many thoughts roaming my little head. Then, this morning in church the sermon was none other than..... relationships! I had waited anxiously the past few weeks for this specific sermon as I knew it was slotted for today. The pastor of our church was away on holidays and the pastor of our church plant in Brampton delivered the message. I have to mention that he did a superb job, and through his message I now have the ending for my personal message for the Women's Retreat in August!

I took many notes as this sermon was written for me! The pastor reminded us of the need to share close relationships with others. We call these people in our relationships, friends. We are all looking for friends in our lives that will;

* Listen to our hopes and dreams;
* Know our faults and fears and love us anyway;
* Stand with us in times of adversity;
* Laugh when we laugh and cry when we cry;
* Be an advocate in times of need;
* And cheer us on when life gets tough;

Apparently many of us do not enjoy the gifts of these relationships. Fortunately I do! The sermon is quite in depth and I won't share everything in this blog tonight as I am far behind on things I need to do in order to get ready to go out of town, however, I guarantee I will be sharing more on this sermon as it was really good! What I want to share tonight is how I was able to sort out my hurt heart today and hope that if you are reading this today and may be experiencing some hurt from a relationship, that maybe something I share here may help you.

I am very fortunate as I have many friends in my life that fit the above categories. Friends who truly go the distance for ME, without question. I am not sure why I am so blessed with these friendships, and wonder if I am so deserving, but somehow on the journey through my life I have met and kept some incredible friends, a group of friends that keeps growing!

The sermon directs our thoughts on the types and degrees of friendships we experience in our lifetime. Some friends are "fair weather" friends, others are not quite role model friends, and there are the "forever friends". The "forever friends" are the ones that go the distance with us. They take our hearts in their hands with care and love and full intention of protection and encouragement.

I scan my thoughts to these different degrees of friendships and I realize I was subconsciously expecting all of my friends to relate and treat me in the same manner. How can I possibly expect someone who is a "fair weather" friend, or a friend to whom I have not allowed to get beyond my outer walls into the inner walls of who I am, to relate to me on the same level as my "forever friends"? I can't possibly expect those friends to fulfill any relational performances based on the same way my "forever friends" relate to me, the relationships are not the same and on the scales they do not balance.

So, in order to deal with hurt I must look at the level of the friendship I have with the specific person who has hurt me and take that into consideration when I allow my feelings to be hurt. If I have not let someone get close enough to me to be my forever friend, (or if they have not wanted to), I can't expect to experience the same level of caring from them.

I think because I have been so truly blessed with many "forever friends" that I just hoped that all of my friends would be "forever friends" not just "fair weather" friends. Yes, I am a dreamer...a selfish one I must admit!

Thoughts for the week.... guard your heart! Love your forever friends with all your heart. Give carefully to your fair weather friends so that you don't get hurt, and pray that those fair weather friends may find some spark that would allow them to want to be your forever friends! Forgive your friends (fairweather or forever) for any hurts they may cause.

Remember, your forever friends are eternal friends.


Thursday, July 01, 2004

something is I think. I had determined I had writer's block... tonight like a real live light bulb being snapped know with the snap of the old fashioned chain attached to the base of a basic foundation holding a basic bulb, a thought came to me. I heard the clicking and have seen the light. The real light. I do NOT have writer's block. I have a case of terminal "who cares what I have to say, after all I can be overwhelmingly boring" syndrome. So I have decided to post even the tiniest of thoughts that might possibly interest even one single person (probably my son accidentially hitting the blog spot) might enjoy.

I was thinking all week about the huge weeds growing in my garden. It is so embarrassing that when I slide down the street in my car I try very hard to not look at the side of my fence where the nature plants are sprouting. I honestly wonder how many of my neighbours are finding their tongues falling out of their mouths as they discuss the shape of my garden (if that's what is can be called). I think of those huge weeds growing and I can't help relate it to some issues that many of us carry around in our lives. We carry and carry and all of a sudden we look out of the window in our eyes and discover we can't see past the weeds we have allowed to crowd our thoughts and sights. It's time to put the garden gloves on and grab those weeds right at the roots and zap them right out of that bad excuse of a garden. Keep in mind I suggest very good garden gloves to ensure that the sensitive skin on those hands pulling the weeds don't get torn apart in the process. Weeds can become wicked and very tough to pull out of that hard soil they have planted their roots in. I'm off to Wallmart on Saturday to buy garden gloves...which is somewhat frustrating as I think about it - because I do have garden gloves....somewhere in this house!

Night....sleep tight!