My mom's aunt.... Her name is Iwilla (Aunt Willie for short). She is the one lady in my family that I admit I am most like. Who is she, what is she like? First I share she has always been a pack-rat (is that what we are called) and there isn't a day that goes by where I am reminded of that inherited quality I possess. She is one heck of a determined, strong, no nonsense, stubborn woman (stubborn being another inherited quality for me). When she said NO, it was NO! She has my respect as she supported her sick husband through some difficult years, carried their family and raised her son to be an amazing much respected teacher. She worked hard all her life. She was one sassy looking lady, her slim features, full head of dark curly hair and cherry blossom lips that stand out in every picture we have of her. She is an avid reader with probably at least 150 books in her home at any given time. She loves sunflowers and my children, especially Sandy. She never forgot when someone did a good deed for her and she never forgot to say "I love you" to me when we talked, and when she said it, you knew she meant it!

My Aunt Willie took sick this summer, being diagnosed with cancer. She has battled through treatment - determined to see past the cold winter days as she longed for the sunshine of the new summer to come. The past few days have seen for a weaker time and she is now waiting in peace for the next phase of her journey through life. It won't be long before she gets to personally meet Jesus with His extended hand and smiling face. He will soon embrace my wonderful aunt as He escorts her through the golden paths of heaven. She soon will be joined with my mom and they will laugh and dance all afternoon in celebration of coming home. I pray that peace is with her as she rests this evening and that when the time comes, that she soars through heaven just as she knew she would. My heart is heavy and sad that I soon will loose my special aunt and her son will loose his awesome mom.

I now once again find myself reflecting on life and what it really is - what matters and what doesn't. I take 2005 on with gusto, all hopes and anticipation of a year of change and challenge. I wait quietly for news of my aunt's new journey.

Cheri

Well everyone is getting geared up for New Year's Eve. I could never understand what the big hipe is over this particular day. I mean, I know it's a significant day of the year - however is it significant enough for people to spend hundreds of dollars a person to be entertained and fed? I hear of people spending $200 a person to go out for an evening that on any other night would cost less than $50.00 ! If only we got geared up like that for every single day of the year!

I was driving along the other day and my thoughts drifted to a vision of myself. This vision was kind of blurry and all of a sudden I saw myself walking around one of those mirrors you see in an amusement fun park, the ones that make you look short and fat or long and skinny, even wavy all over, depending on where you are standing. I realized that the past year I have actually been the product of a mirror that was somehow showing my reflection in those ways. One day I was just as I appear and the next I was somehow distorted into the vision of a person I didn't recognize. Who was that lady with the short fat legs - didn't she once have long skinny legs?

I started to think of people and their personalities as we facilitate roles of mother, father, office manager, plant manager, courier drivers, husbands, wives, girlfriends. All of us brushing through the daily requirements of our employment jobs and the roles we carry at home. Do we ever spend time playing "our" role, the person we "really"are. The person who laughs and jokes, the one who's eyes sparkle with the excited anticipation of something that's going to happen. The man or woman who can throw everything to the wind to spontaneously just run and jump for joy. Do we often allow ourselves to let our complete guard down, banish our concerns and worries and just really enjoy life. Throw caution to the wind? Do we often let ourselves run through the rain storm with our hair flying and flapping everywhere without care?

Turning an amazing milestone in my life, I am feeling a mid-life crisis coming on. I have always wanted auburn hair, I have always dreamed of Italy and the beach house that has a small desk and computer reserved for me - the one I see myself through the open window that is open for the sea breeze to flow through spitting salt water at me. Long beaded hippie skirts look so comfortable as do capris pants and long walks along sandy beaches. I long to do something wild and crazy like call into work and take 2 weeks off, jump a plane for Europe without telling anyone until I am thousands of feet into the air (do airplanes fly that high?), carrying nothing but a nap sack. I dare myself continually to just quit work and travel for three months. To visit missionary camps, to meet a handsome Italian man, to write that book, to sit with women in foreign under priviledged countries and listen to their hearts. There is so much I long to do that my conservative reserved cautious ways protect me from doing. I wonder recently, what happened to that carefree girl I once was - when did she grow up and grab that spontaneous nature and wrap big gold bows on it and stuff it in the oversided bag that she hid under the comforters in the closet?

I often tell so many younger women to enjoy life, have fun and remember that the years fly by and before you know it - you are entering the final years of life and you wonder how did it go so fast. I wonder if on my head stone it will say "she threw caution to the wind" or "Italy will never be the same" or will it say "she wrapped herself in her cocoon staying soft and protected"..... hmmm... will my spontaneous nature return to shake up the journey of my mid-life crisis to make 2005 a year to remember......

Anyway, New Year's Eve - it's most certainly over-rated!

MOI

Crying and how it gets the job done! Right! I was almost finished a blog to share with you the other day when Joseph frantically called me from his bathroom shouting "mom - help, there is water all over the floor". I went to the bathroom and getting on my knees I indeed verified the water situation, as I sat right in it. I was beginning to feel slightly panicked but tried to remain composed all while talking myself into not thinking the worse. Well, it didn't last long as I discovered it was the toilet that was leaking, however I couldn't figure out from where. Finally I found a crack in the toilet tank and I sat back in frustration and cried, really cried.

Joseph looked at me with worry and I simply asked him to leave me alone for a while. What did I do? I flushed the toilet, honestly thinking about putting my head inside, and then shut the water off to the toilet. Good thinking aye?! So you ask in wonder why in the heck would I have cried over something like that? Well, It was not the entire toilet situation that made me cry. It was the fact that the "boy's" bathroom was messy despite my numerous pleas to them to clean it, my cottage deal is quickly going sour and may not close (goodbye car), the front door lock is acting up, my back patio door is frozen up strangely from the inside, the car I am driving is acting up, the dog ate a cake I was bringing to a friend' s house for dinner and the list goes on and on this week. Oh, and I wonder if I might be a single, lonely woman as I shuffle along with my cane into old age. Isn't that enough?

Well.. joy comes quick. We don't need this toilet immediately - there is another one in the house, and I think there has to be a way to fix this relatively inexpensively. If the cottage does not sell, so what - I just get to sit by the lake one more summer. And big deal if the car breaks down - there are buses and FRIENDS. And heck if I do shuffle off into old age as a single chick - think of all the laundry and cooking I will miss doing.

But you know what, crying certainly relieves pressure and frustration !

I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since I wrote - soon my followers will be long gone with dust kicking behind their heels. I had hit a point in my life that I was so busy that my home was a drop in centre. I'd drop in to pick up something to head somewhere, only to come home to drop into bed to jump back out and repeat the same routine. I had recently stopped and wondered how that routine happened. So, I have deliberately put a temporary cease to all my activities that have pulled me away from home. I am in a nesting stage. Resting, regrouping and really enjoying just being home. I will now have time to turn this computer on and let the thoughts process.

I think most of us hit a stage in life where we wonder where the past years have went, we realize it was a blur of activity. Are you really doing what you want to do with your life, or are you in a rut. I mean a rut that you can personally do something about. Three months ago, due to a literal crash in a wall, I turned my life around. I did things that under normal circumstances would have scared me - like quit a 14 year job - one I believed I'd retire from. I quit it without even job hunting. I left the job on August 19th with not even a slight insight into a new job. The first morning of my unemployment, I was woke to a call from someone who knew me and was put in a difficult situation, needing me to help him for a few days. Then I had a job interview three days later - to which the same day I landed the job - packed with more salary, and benefits that I didn't have with my previous employer of 14 years.

I was blessed and protected during this time period. I have grown through the experience of just stepping out in faith. This year has been a year of major trials and tribulations, but somehow by the grace of God, I have landed with both my feet on the ground. Those feet might be somewhat bruised and sore, but I landed. This I realize, is just the beginning of many changes to come in 2005.

What about you..... what is is that YOU have wanted to change, but have either procrastinated on or have been frozen with fear about? And, what do you think you will do in 2005?

Night.........

I think I am dealing with exhaustion, yet I keep going. I feel like a dollar store version of a duracell battery. I just keep going, but the going just gets slower. I miss writing and think about it all the time, when I am driving to work, eating my lunch or staring out the window at work. I am going to get back on routine once I get the cottage work, moving and sale done. I am also going to get my home office finished - it's been in a mess since last February. (hmmm.. that's almost a year!)

Well... my charger just ran out of energy, I am going to plug it in over night and anticipate that when I wake up I shall be re-energized. I have a full schedule now until Sunday. I guess I should be thankful for such a full social life. If I was sitting home all the time, I would figure I wasn't well liked.

Night.........
from wheepy and sleepy...

Yesterday I received a pleasant surprise, yes more surprises!! My brother in B.C. was talking to me via Ma Bell and he said, "I hear you had a big birthday weekend, surprises and a big birthday bash." I was taken back that he knew about it as I had not talked or written to him. I asked how he knew about it and he said "I read about it your blog spot." Yippeee... my brother reads my off the wall writing. I was quite impressed that he took the time. So, I guess just more inspiration to keep sharing, afterall a relative is checking it out. Now if I could just get them to take a ride on the comments section!

I had a nice birthday dinner yet once again Thursday evening - shared with my cousin, her man and my son. Deb's birthday and mine are two weeks apart, and a few years - she being the younger party. I received really neat news - her and Dave finally got engaged...yes, they are eventually going to jump off the diving board and tie the knot. YIPPEEEEEEEE!! Congratulations.

Oh, I have posted way over 100 posts on this site, however the counter has stopped counting?! Weird. My next project is to figure out how to get pictures on this site. I have another little blog I was thinking about running, but didn't have much success with it (check it out at: singlefriends.blogspot.com) but I managed to get pictures posted on that site. I am going to try to set it up for this one now! Shall see how the weekend holds out time wise for me!

Night...Cheri

I, being a deep thinker (often so deep I get lost), have been wondering if there is anyone else out there other than me that wants to slam on the brakes of life. You know, just stop everything that is going on in this world, our cities and neighbourhoods. Stop the wars, violence and destruction. The state of our world is critical and extremely sad. Young children proudly carrying rifles, young children being killed in the cross fire of adult domestic issues, widespread diseases, unsafe cities and homes, hatred and wars all around us. Joseph continually comments that he thinks I should be watching more t.v. and paying attention to the politics in our world - and I tried, but maybe I am like a duck in the water, I just want to float down the lake being warmed by the sunshine as I stick my head in the water to hide from the issues of our world. As much joy that I know is there, I have a very awareness of the darkness all around us - that appears to me many people don't really comprehend. I can't help but wonder if those people that drive beside me in the morning rush hour ever think like I do?

Anyway, I am thankful for my faith and the peace I receive through all the trials of this world. With my personality and thinking mechanism as it is, I would be ravaged with fear.

Night......

Well...the birthday has come and finally almost gone with respect to the celebration. What an event. Yes, I turned a magic age and the weird thing is I don't really feel any different, other than exhausted. My birthday started two weeks ago when the girls decided we'd have a practice run at the celebration and all go dancing. On Saturday I was invited to a late lunch with two of my long time friends Mary & Laurie (one I have been friends for 35 years and the other 37 - can you imagine?) Anyway, I was kidnapped on Saturday afternoon to a destination of Niagara Falls. It was an interesting chain of events, including taking the wrong road and ending up in Woodstock (don't ask!). We had a good evening together and returned home early on Sunday. I had been asked to brunch by my children so had to rush to get ready. What I didn't know was they had arranged a surprise birthday party with some of my close friends...counting in at 52 of them. Then on my actual birthday my daughter sent me a beautiful flower arrangement, and brought a most delicious cream and strawberry cake for dessert on the night of my birthday. My friend at work gave me a very special card - it was special because she has taken the time to know who I am and bought a special card that reflected that. It wasn't just a randomly picked card. I was so overwhelmed with excitement it has taken me days to get recover. It was a beautiful celebration with my incredibly loyal friends. I am overwhelmed by the realization of the many many friends I have been blessed with. They have humbled me with their love.

If I have accomplished anything in this life I am passing through, it is that I have four beautiful, unique and loving children that put up with me as well as the great joy of each one of you, my beautiful friends. I thank you my children and friends for being there for me.

By the way, I am the owner of a cool t-shirt that says "ALL ORIGINAL PARTS! I note, it may be true, but not by choice! lol...

LOVE YA, Cheri