The Wedding.... is quickly approaching. Tonight they had the rehersal at the chapel in the Old Mill where my daughter and future son-in-law are getting married. It's a really exciting time in their lives and I hope they enjoy this time. The beginning of a future together travelling down a new journey of life. I am happy for them and have much to look forward to as they establish roots and start their own life together and hopefully with children. In four days I will be an official mother-in-law. I hope I will be a good one, the kind that keeps her ideas and thoughts to herself. I keep reminding myself that I am "aging" after all I am old enough to be a "mother-in-law"!.........

Night....

Good Morning Tim and Danielle... I am so excited to see that is all I have to do in order to get comments from one of my little blurbs...is to just stop blurbing! So, I honestly tell both of you that I appreciate your faithfulness... I did in fact write a beautiful blog last night but when I went to publish it, my computer froze and I lost the entire writing. So tonight I try to re-create my beautiful thoughts.

I was particularly thinking last night that I must face the fact that I am getting "old". I think when you become a mother-in-law, you are in fact in the new category of "age". So, in a few days I get to bless this lucky guy and become his official mother-in-law. I wonder if he realizes hows lucky he is. I wonder if he will have thoughts of buying an aquarium and stalking it with those little pirahna fish. You know, the ones that bite fingers off when they are poked in water? I remember my brother sharing that he was going to do exactly that in hopes that his mother-in-law felt the urge to stick her fingers in the water! Just for the record, it was Glen not Rick who thought of that.

So, Sunday I have the honour of walking my most beautiful daughter down the aisle of the church on one of the most important and special days of her life. I have no doubt that this 7 lb baby I brought home from the hospital 29 years ago will be the most incredibly beautiful bride ever to be seen. She is just as beautiful inside her heart and soul as she is outside. I also get the honour of watching my other incredible three children join in the wedding. Brian will be one handsome dude in his tux and I can guarantee you the single girls will be all over him. You can also bet that I won't see him in a tux until he gets married. I am most anxious to see my handsome son all decked out for his sister's wedding. Then there is Sheira - she is going to be one of the smashing brides maids - she will be standing proud and pretty. She will most assuredly be there with a huge smile and dancing personality. And of course the child my eldest children call the favoriate -Joseph. He's going to be one sizzling young man in his tux... his spiked hair will give him all the charm and sophistication possible. He's going to be the M.C. and that is going to be very interesting. I can't wait to watch my talented child in action!

Tim, my thoughts wandered to you last night as I was thinking about the vision of you walking Abby down the aisle to the man she chooses as her husband. Your thoughts will be working through thoughts of prayers that this man will take care of this precious little girl of yours, that he would be a good husband and father and that he would love and respect your beautiful daughter as much as you love her. Scary isn't it, that this day will come and probably much faster than you can ever imagine. Trust me.

Danielle... you my dear girl will watch your three handsome sons stand at the front of an alter proudly watching their young bride walk down the aisle with their fathers in anticipation and excitement of marrying the love of her life. You will wonder if she will make a good wife, love your son as you do and provide a beautiful warm home for her family.

Weddings, the beginning of a new life, an amazing journey, a road of fun times, hard times, rocky paths and horizions of sunshine and rainbows......

Change...it is good. Sometimes it is tough to put change into action. To clearly find the direction, have the willpower to make the change and stick to it is not a simple task. Once you have taken the first steps on the path to change, each step after will be much easier. Change is promising, rewarding and a growth experience.

I usually write on this site very late at night and often don't convey my thoughts crystal clear - and often when I look back on what I wrote, I find spelling and grammar mistakes - often to my horror. However, I have not implemented the "change" to getting up at 6:00 a.m. to write this. Apparently 28 days of doing something consistently makes it a "habit"....! Enough talk about anything at 6:00 a.m.!

Night....

As I am getting ready to go to bed I have stopped to read my Bible and I felt compelled to share some scripture with you, my friends. This is scripture from Psalms 143;

Theme: A prayer in the midst of hopelessness and depression. Our prayers should fit into what we know is consistent with God's character and plan. David wrote this.


Verse 4: "When my spirit grows faint within me, my heart within me is dismayed."

Verse 6: "I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land."

Verse 8: "Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."

Psalms 144 (also written by David) says in Verse 7 "reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters."

I am not sure why I felt compelled to share these particular scriptures when my heart really has been feeling the need to write on self-esteem, but I am sure there is a need for someone to hear that there is hope for our tired souls. The sun shines brightly just beyond the turn, we will see it once we just take that walk towards it.

Night.....

Part Two.... Insecurities

This August at a women's retreat we were teaching at in Illinois, our Ministry was asked to take part in the Sunday morning services (two of them) in a capacity of sharing the vision of the Ministry as well as singing one of Jason's songs. I was excited for this opportunity to sing with my friends who have incredible voices. Where we were in front of a filled church singing - what an amazing experience. I didn't get a tap on my head and my mike wasn't shut off - and there were no stampedes rushing out the front door of the church. The song was carried beautifully and I apparently managed to carry a tune, gently. I did it! I closed my eyes and sang my heart out to Jesus and it sounded like the purring of a gentle kitten.

All this sharing was inspired by Tim's writing - to which I share here (hope that's O.K. TIM?) Tim talks about being told to participate in the high jump session of his high school's track and field event because he was "taller" than the others.

"I just ran and jumped over it. I cleared it too. As I headed back down the line I heard people giggling at me, yet I think they were quite impressed that I could just jump over it and land on my feet on the other side. I didn't win that day because in the end my technique just wasn't good enough. I could only do so much with the training I had received (which is to say, no training at all). As usual I found myself near the middle of the pack."

I guess what inspired me was that Tim stepped out and just did it. He heard giggles after, but he had confidence knowing that he did it - and despite his apparent lack of "technique", he jumped and landed!

I realise I have jumped and jumped and jumped and I finally landed - right smack dab on the altar of a church singing to the most important person - Jesus! I encourage you, if there is something you passionately want to do but are held back by fear of failure, stop there and JUST DO IT! The time and place will provide you the reweards of just stepping out and doing it!

Insecurities.... Oh how I have a few.... and I certainly carry memories of moments where I was feeling completely inadequate. I was reading an article on my friend Tim's site a while back and it really sparked some memories for me. Not necessarily painful, thank goodness, but instead are now quite humorous to me. I particularly remember in junior public school at the beginning of each new year meeting to "try out" for the school choir. I longed to sing as far back as I can remember. With my bright blue eyes and shiny blonde hair freshly brushed, I'd rush to the gymnasium with the flurry of other children to sing for the teacher. Imagine this... the music starts and the gymnasium floods with voices belching out, as the teacher walks behind listening to the children in each line. The gig back then was a tap on the head meant you had to sit down as you didn't make the cut. I could feel the movement of our teacher behind me and closed my eyes in hope that she would not tap my head again this year. I guess I didn't hope quite hard enough...I got tapped, again!

My desire to sing has really been a touchy subject over the years since public school. I remember sitting with my cousin Debbie when I was about 26 as we belched out the words to a Meatloaf song (the name of the song escapes me). We taped our duo and upon completion we played it back. To my utter dismay I still missed the gig, I didn't have it. The sound of my voice made even me laugh.

Then there was the time that I had the courage to sing at Karraokee in Niagara Falls. This time I did not choose to sing, I was set-up by a friend.... as I was heading to the stage, I managed to grab the hand of a total stranger (male with long blonde hair that looked like he could sing). He gallantly joined me (and thank goodness - to my good fortune he was apparently in a band and could sing). We introduced ourselves to each other and began to sing one of those 8 minute songs (and again the name of the song escapes me). Apparently it didn't take long for the D.J. to turn my microphone off so the crowd could hear only my newly attained friend's voice. I thought I did well until I finally discovered the D.J.'s move.

You would think I would stop there... no I didn't. I had been singing for months alone in the car along to a song my friend Kim sang on her husband's newly produced CD (and by the way if you want to listen to an excellent Christian CD - check out www.jasonmcgibbonproject.com) and decided that as I sang along with Kim, I could manage to keep a good tune and actually sounded half decent. So finally, a glimmer of confidence begins to bud. Last April at our women's Christian retreat in Niagara Falls, our "techie" TULIP guys were getting my mike adjusted for my session while our worship band was rehearsing and somewhere deep inside of me as I stood in that banquet hall, I had the thought that I could sing like Britney Spears. So with head gear on I very carefully and in a low pitched tone joined in and sang with the band for brief moments. Thank goodness some sort of conscience nabbed me and I stopped myself from jumping on stage and belting out the song with the other ladies.

The story does not end here, but as my blog spot publishing has been giving me trouble, I have to do this in two parts....stay tuned for part two tomorrow.

Change... I don't like change. I wasn't like that many years ago, it seems to be a new personality trait I have developed over the last five years. Little changes are only somewhat of a hindrance. I get bored with routine, such as getting up at 7:00 a.m. every morning, blindly making my way to the shower, talking to myself in order to wake-up, stepping out drying off and proceeding to complete the "make-up" process. Boring! Yet it's a routine that does not leave much room for change - I have to shower and I have to put make-up on! Just to share, I don't really get up at 7:00 a.m. however I am going to have to now as Joseph is in high school which is bringing about much earlier hours. Earlier mornings - this is a good thing I keep telling myself.

It's the decision making of big changes that I dislike. The idea of major change produces extreme anxiety for me. Job change, moving, buying, selling, decision making all fluffs my feathers beyond comprehension. I like things as they are, then I don't have to weigh the options, second guess the effects and concern myself with the mistake of a possible change. I was taken back in complete surprise the other day when Joseph shared with me that he "doesn't like change." I didn't think a fourteen year old boy would even think about "change." I think once he gets into the routine of his new changes, he will love it. Me, I think I will also "love" the new changes..... maybe.....

I have however learned that we need to make changes after careful weighing of options, especially the ones that you have no control over, and just walk on the new journey looking straight ahead - no looking back - even if you are stumbling over the stones and slippery roads on the new journey. We won't grow if we allow ourselves to make changes. We become stagnant without change. My neighbour's aunt shared with me a month or so ago that in her opinion, we must always strive to change the places we live, the places we work and the way we think. She reminded me of the way I used to be when I was a young spontaneous, carefree young woman. Aunt Mary (as well call her) is somewhat older than I am and a very wise woman, who has given us inspiration and confidence !

In making changes, be reminded we will stumble if we take our eyes off the road ahead just to look back. The path on the new journey may not be easy, we may fall flat on our faces coming up with cuts, bruises and scrapes. Don't let those little aggravations bring you to a halt on the journey. Look forward to the new journey with anticipation, excitement and hope. Don't be tempted to take your eyes off the path to look back. I shall keep reminding myself of that as I continue to make changes I thought I'd never make. Don't let fear stop you from making decisions that you know you have to take - for whatever reason.

Have a blast today!

I am speechless tonight. I have not spent enough time quietly sitting, reading and thinking to even have thoughts of something that may inspire the gang who faithfully read this site. I know you are somewhat dissapointed in my lack of creativity, but promises being showered your way for an amazing train of incredible life changing thoughts will come your way next week.

Turning in to prepare for a weekend away..... Night....

Escape..... I just spent three days at the cottage in an attempt to escape the realities of this fast paced life in the city. I was almost relaxed and ready to sort through some issues when reality bit and I had to pack up and come home. You might not be able to imagine the peace and contentment of sitting by an open fire listening to sounds of crickets echo off the lake while the odd cry of a loon drowned the crickets out. Occasionally a ripple in the water could be heard as the crackling fire kept me warm. The only stress was watching a couple of 14 year old pyromanias (sp?) poke at the fire in anticipation of a village burndown! I have been blessed beyond what I deserve to have been able to enjoy those few days. Ripple ripple...thanks for the moments!