Friday, January 30, 2004

Friday, January 30th... What is your dream financial situation? Tonight a friend asked me a question similar to that. I can't even remember my answer to that question as it truly was hard to answer on the spot. Yesterday I read my friend Tim's site wherein he commented on the wealth of Brad Pitt and wife Jennifer. Brad and Jennifer's dream would certainly not be mine, maybe because I couldn't possibly dream that big.

In all truthfulness think about this yourself. How much would really make you happy? I think I have it figured out. (No it's not all about a beach hut in the sun...almost though). I would be thrilled to be sufficiently financially stable enough to be able to work part time to pay my bills and work most of my hours in women's Ministry. To read and study and be blessed to work where my passion is. So simple yet so fairy tale. Imagine the incredible wealth of so many that would laugh at this big dream of mine.

Dream...where would we be without dreams....they give us memories we may not be able to ordinarily create, they inspire us and they often light the fire..... Never stop dreaming, as they often come true, just watch and see....

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Thursday, January 29.... I am a warm bunny, I dislike cold...... Here I sit once again at the computer, however tonight I am quite chilly. I had friends live with me for a few weeks and I had moved my computer into my bedroom (it is still here - no time to move it) and unfortunately this is the coldest room in the house. I have a blanket on the floor under the desk to keep my feet warm...I have my baby bunny pajamas on....they are flannel and actually have feet in them, but I am still cold.

I was thinking that when we get cold, we need to huddle up in bed with a few comforters and just snuggle up with a good book. Jesus is like an electric blanket for all we have to do is plug it in !! Once you plug in, your love for Him will grow. Don't fear the electricity that will spring from the sockets - let it warm you up! Let Him wrap himself around us and nuzzle into our hearts to keep us cuddled, warm and safe. Put the fire on and sit at His feet, ever so humbly and allow Him to warm your heart with His words on this cold winter night....


Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Tuesday, January 27... Do you think I am worthy? Am I lovable?I have decided that it can't possibly be just women who ask these questions. I am unequivocally convinced men also share these doubtful questions.

I am reading a book by Angela Thomas "Do you think I am Beautiful". I just finished page 10, and I am already excited for what these words will bring me and you as I share from time to time. Pretending - she talks about. There are things in our lives that we pretend doesn't matter. Our looks, our success (or apparent lack of ), our capabilities to name a few. Angela says "it matters in your soul and it matters in the way you wake up every morning and step into life". These past months I have faced issues that I needed to stop "pretending" about. That is the first step to changing and growing. The next steps are not always easy.

She continues to write "my soul was broken apart and the truth came pouring out." What do we do when the truth pours out? We walk the journey of finding who we really are...whether we are 25 or 45. Don't let another day go by pretending. Open your heart to experiencing this incredible life, dancing not walking all the way.See Ya tomorrow!!

Monday, January 26, 2004

Monday, January 26th..... Is there a Man Around the house????

I bet that caught a little attention. On my home tonight, I jokingly contemplated sending something to the "want" ads of our local newspaper. The proposed ad would read:

"Room for rent, females need not apply!" Trade handy-man work for rent. If you are male and possess strong heart, arms and hands for shoveling snow, cleaning snow off cars in driveway , please apply. Then I started thinking hey, what about repairing fences, digging gardens, fixing cars including oil changes, tune-ups, tire checks and whatever else we women are supposed to do with cars other than drive them.

As I was making dinner tonight and chatting with a friend on the telephone, I was thinking about the basic structure of male and female roles. I like the thought of the male making sure the car is in tip top shape and the snow is shoveled so we don't slip going out, and our cars are warmed up and cleared of snow before we go to work so we don't get cold and wet getting into the car, and that the lawns are watered and mowed and we don't strain ourselves doing heavy work. What I am not so sure about is the typical female role. You know, the cooking, laundry, ironing, dusting and grocery shopping. I do like the thought of trading those activities for soaking in a hot bath with an abundance of candles, soft music and a good book. Oh the benefits of maturing.

I still think I missed my calling as a beach bum....especially as I sit by my bedroom window watching the snow falling on my car and the driveway....and I have had no replies to the ad !


Saturday, January 24, 2004

Saturday, January 24th......'s all about reading... I have many passions and I don't have enough time to indulge in all of them. My favorite, other than summers at the cottage by or on the lake, is books and reading. Bargains on books make my day! I can't help but pick up a magazine when it's laying around and flipping through it without wanting to take it home.

Currently I have two fiction books - one almost done and one to start titled "Do You think I'm Beautiful" by Angela Thomas (Christian woman stuff) as well a Bible study book by Beth Moore "To Live is Christ" - Embracing the Passion of Paul. Oh...the bigger passion, writing. I have a daily journal with scripture reading, and my BLOG SPOT on the go daily. I am NOT a gifted writer, but I have a passion and now blessed with a brave heart to just write it, no matter what !

Oh, I did just finish reading two books---at least something is finished! The housework never gets done - and my pretend complaining continues on how I never have time to clean the house. There is something to be said about being single! There are no complaints about a messy house from a second party AND I don't get little notes passed to me saying....""
(YES...I did get that once!)

As I am fighting the flu and whatever other trendy bug has decided to land my way, I am making this short tonight so I can start this Bible study on Paul.....

My tid-bit for the night...pick up a good book, microwave that milk and cuddle up with the cat!

NOTE: Tim has fixed the comments part of the to those of you who missed it.... IT'S BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!

Friday, January 23, 2004

Friday, January 23...My Crazy Friends...and I do have them....thank goodness! I have been going down memory lane these days. One thing that I think about often is how many years might I have left? What more crazy things would I love to do? The big one - I'd love to sell my house, take the $$ pay bills and take six months to start running. I'd run to Italy or Portugal, a must for Greece, rent a cabin on a beach somewhere warm for a month with my computer and write. Talk to people, journal their thoughts and dreams. I'd live in New York City in the summer looking for Richard Gere. I'd go on an singles cruise and talk to every single person there, and find the most amazing male friend. I would NOT go to the jungle, snakes do not excite me! I would make a list and go from city to city, beach to beach and write about every single moment. I would study and read until I couldn't read the words anymore. I'd share my heart with many women, encouraging them to be who they were created to be...and pray they'd in turn encourage me to be who I was to be.

The things I could do and have done with my crazy friends ... have my belly button pierced at forty something, purely out of being convinced by a 30 year old that it was the thing to do, then forgive her for convincing me to allow myself to face such horrific pain - was I crazy?? I forgive my daughters for setting the stage, I guess I didn't appreciate their rebellious nature. I've danced in Mexico until the sun came up, and YES on the beaches with the rest of the girls. Laughed in Niagara Falls with aging apparently mature friends who convinced me to watch sight seers have their pictures taken for memories, and then just jump in with them as the camera gets ready to snap the shot, scaring them to death and then convincing them it was all in fun. Our faces are all over Japan thanks to my friends. What about loading someone's truck so full of balloons that when they opened the door they stood in shock. I have had fits of laughter so hard that my friend got mad...but still loved me for it. Handed one too many glasses of wine for my 80 year old aunt...and laughed when she tried to burn trees in the camp fire. I taught my 60 year male old cousin to cry and then laugh until we fell of our chairs. I have been a practical joker for most of my life, joke after joke, laugh upon laugh. I have been the life of too many parties and gathered more friends than I thought possible. Be crazy, be good and have harmless fun.

Guys...memory lane will not resume tomorrow...maybe I will discuss sports or something....naahhh!

Reminders for me and for you - just be you, love yourself and enjoy this incredible life. And...remember, to thank God for that beautiful person you are.
NOTE: the comment spot is back on the site and running now thanks to TIM !

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Thursday, January 22nd...... Sharing your heart...I feel like I am one of very few people who are blessed with such a group of incredible loving friends. In the past four years I have had struggles to face that I thought would never end (they probably won't either!) however as I sit back and reflect the journey I realize that I would not have made it quite so nicely had it not been for God yes, but also my friends.

True friends. The ones that ;
*drop by with a card and a box of chocolates just because she knew you were down;
* takes her carpet steamer and not only brings it here, lends it to me, but actually cleans the carpet herself.
* painted my entire house with me on her holidays, gets mad at someone who hurts me, yet accepts that person simply because I love and forgive that person.
*cooks a pot of soup because it's a cold winter Saturday and I really wanted soup! You who opens her house to all of us!
* runs out for lunch every day for me, even in the bitterly cold weather;
* listens to me day in and day out, good mood or bad, she goes with the flow and never complains...other than ....listen lady!
* brings lunch & flowers to me when I was off work with my burned boot even though she had been on the run all day herself with children and husband to go home to take care of;
* who brought me to the hockey dance for his son, paid for the tickets and let us tease him all night , the same friend (a GUY other than Tim!) who reads my site and encourages me. Oh, and tells me "just go and DO IT"!
* The friend who in his busy time, still finds time to create a web site for me to encourage me to write, the same friend (yes another guy!) who has stepped out and made me HIS friend.
* The friend who shares scriptures with me and encourages me daily, sends smiles even in her e-mails;
* The friend who told me it started with me.... a long long time who looked at me with determination and told me...I was it!
* The friend who is the youngest of our bunch, yet gives such wise words of truth and encouragement;
* The friend who watches me from a distance and gently asks how I am;
* My friend who calls even when she's so busy, even if for seconds just to see if I am o.k!
* You my special friend, who smiles at me and doesn't let me away with pretending things don't hurt...that friend who has trusted me as her friend in her journey with each of her special friends she prayed for;
* fixes my car, my fridge, stove and dryer. The one who not only fixes it, but delivers them and installs them. The friend that fixed my shower from leaking. You who in the end accepts me for who I am and forgives me for it. The friend who's help has been never-ending too much to list;
* The friend that hugged me when I needed it. The friend that held my hand when I cried and then passed me the kleenex.
* The friend that lets me be me, always. The friend who reminds me of how stubborn I am, and then laughs about it.
* The friend that challenged me, drew me close when others couldn't and caught my eye when I least expected it. The friend who still keeps me thinking and don't know the special beat you placed in my heart because of the person you are;

The list of friends and blessings is too great for me to share in one evening, but to each one of you I thank God He placed each of you in my life. Maybe one day this friend can do as much for you as you have for me.

Night once again!

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

January 22, 2004
Tears or No Tears..for women only !.....Today I said goodbye to two wonderful friends who have lived with me for the past three weeks. They are embarking on a journey into Ministry in Saskatchewan. I took a little time off this morning to spend our final hour together. We chatted, took pictures with Livia, their little baby, and finally began our good byes. I promised myself not to cry. Sometimes promises are hard to I started the hugging session it became evident it was going to be very hard to hold those tears in. I did o.k. until I walked out my front door, making sure not to look back...and I burst into tears which carried me all the way up the street.

Most of my adult life I can honestly say tears were not a big part of my personality. I maintained a relatively strong image and never allowed myself to be soft and vulnerable enough to produce many tears. However the past six months something has happened to me and tears have been chasing me all over the place. They well up inside my chest, make their way up through my eyes and spill over my cheeks only too often for my liking. I am told that tears are healthy and cleansing.

Today Gina and I discussed the whole topic of tears. It appears they are good... Especially when the female species resorts to crying instead of shouting, demanding, being strong and giving their mates a run for their money. These women actually fare much better than the head strong tearless ones. All sorts of things happen when a woman cries...people will swarm her, hug her, lavish attention and concern on her. The attention is all consuming. We turn into melted butter when someone cries...often we cry with them. What powerful results tears can bring.

Back to the thesaurus, tears as would be expected is described as weeping, sobbing, howling, bawling, whimpering, blubbering.... and a new word...dolorous... I looked up dolorous...and was told to look up doleful. Description reads...sorrowful, depressed, gloomy, morose, melancholy, wretched, despondent, dejected....woooaaa...girls no wonder guys are so fearful of tears... Imagine dealing with a dejected, wretched woman?

So the analysis according to the Gina and Cheri world...let them flow girls...when the buckets fall and splash to the floor, your man will run to do whatever it takes to shut off the tap!

Tuesday, January 20

Men and Animals....all in the same boat......My future son-in-law
(I don't like the sound of that.... am I old enough for one of those?) basically recited to me that man and animals were of the same breed. I know we have all heard this before, but it irks me. Apparently men are like animals, they want to hunt, catch, dominate and win, be the leader of the pack. So being the apparent more knowledgeable person, he basically tried to convince me we are animals.

I then confirmed if men were animals then so were women. Our instincts would be to.....what? He was quick to say that women were not animals and that they were actually born instinctively to nurture. Well if men are so much like animals, and have the apparent same reasoning abilities, (reasoning abilities being the whole basis for the topic of this discussion) then why is my dog not driving me to work and why is it that my cat does not shovel the snow when it's piling up? That's my tid-bit of sharing for the night....I am tired and it may be a weird tid-bit...oh well....

** don't forget comments to:

Monday, January 19, 2004

Beauty. This kept me thinking a lot since Friday evening. I was told twice Friday night that I was pretty and beautiful. Quite mind baffling actually, as I had been feeling particularly ugly and unworthy for a while. YES, ugly!

So what is beauty anyway I thought on Saturday. My thesaurus says: attractive, pretty, good looks, allure, prettiness, exquisiteness, splendor, magnificence, goddess, hottie, looker. It does finally say in the last line - strength, blessing, good thing, merit.

Then I thought, I do hope these two men who proclaimed I was pretty or beautiful saw a good thing in me, someone possibly with strength who is a blessing to someone. At an age of 40 something, I am sure "hottie" wasn't coming to either of their minds. (thank goodness - imagine trying to live up to that image?) And on to the word magnificence - what is all that about?

I was flipping through a magazine at my doctor's office on Friday and my attention was caught on the amount of advertisements that attempt to lure women into needing or wanting the newest cosmetic or hair product and even surgery to improve our apparently "ugly" state. I counted an approximate total of 50 pages out of 175 pages that screamed "buy me and become beautiful". The other encompassed approximately 20 pages of exercises to make you trim, fit and sexy. Then there were articles written on face lifts, look slimmer, rekindle our romances, look younger and sexier, age busters, the list goes on. And I shall point out this magazine was not a beauty magazine, it's almost a suzy- homemaker magazine! Be sexy and you can make the hottest soup you can !

No wonder some of us "ok" women can feel ugly. Society ticks me off ! We are continually told, page by page , commercial by commercial and by some men that we need to improve, look prettier, slimmer, sexier, bustier and the list just goes on and on.

However, my faith in humanity was rekindled when a male friend at church today indulged me in conversation about my weekend dilemma of beauty. He so humbly shared his thoughts on the beauty of women. I heard him basically say in a nut shell, it's her heart, her soul, her integrity and her ability to be a family woman. His wife is beautiful he says, and he shared being mystified when at times she had been unable to see herself as the beautiful woman she is. Why do so many women feel like that he asked?!

Thanks my friend for giving me faith that there are men out there who see the true beauty of a woman, even when we ourselves don't !

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Saturday, January 17th.... In the pursuit of passion, truth etc. I share. Last night while out with friends, somehow during the loud noise of the music playing, we were somewhat able to have minor discussions. Throughout those discussions the word perception kept coming back to me regarding an issue I am dealing with. This morning I woke up and perception came back to me again. So here I go.....searching for something....

From the Canadian Oxford Thesaurus (an excellent gift from Gina for my birthday)...perception - it describes - our perception of our own limitations, recognition, awareness, consciousness, grasp understanding, to name a few....

Something (possibly a stand on issue) that I communicate to another person may be plainly and most assuredly black and white to me. However, the issue, or situations can be perceived by one person as being entirely different, possibly pink and yellow, even out of the sphere of colour understanding possibly textured...rugged and coarse.

My query this morning is ( me being a very deep thinking person), how does one convince the other party you are sharing the issues with that what you are saying or doing, isn't meaning what they think it means?

Convince....thesaurus says..."he convinced me that I was wrong" the way, I note - why wasn't that worded "she convinced him that he was wrong"... However, to continue - persuade, satisfy, prove, assure, set someone's mind at rest....

I still have this perception issue going on....I guess being my blunt self I should just figure out that when someone is too dumb to get it...then maybe their brains are just not wired as good as mine......

Good job my comments section isn't working on the site yet....another whole issue keeping me inquisitive....

Thursday, January 15, 2004

One icy cold winter night.....I decided to see if I could figure out on my own what was wrong with my site. First the top part of my page was coming up on my computer very I tried cleaning out my temporary internet files - deleting those as well as "cookies". I had learned a while back that these "cookies" are not something we eat. This procedure fixes that problem.

Next, I realize I have lost my comment section, ALSO each time I log on to my site...I get an error message (it's only on the computer at work and at home...not my friend's computer at work - figure that one out....) that asks me if I want to debug....yes or no...the screen asks me. I tried no.... it still sits looking at I click and click...and it finally disappears and my site pops up - yeah!

So, next time I decide to try the "yes" answer to debug...I figure maybe this will get rid of this annoying screen. Same procedure, click and click and click.... So I am now stuck with a bug site... Could it be my internet server? Who knows.... Anyway, I know that so many of you miss commenting on my temporarily until I can figure this out... kindly e-mail your comments to me at
I am now off to attempt once again to debug the blogspot that I have blogged up.......

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Have you ever? Thought so much that you can't figure out what you were even thinking about in the first place? Well...for days I have skipped from thought to thought and to waking up and wondering when I fell asleep.

I keep thinking these days of how much I really do NOT like snow, ice and cold weather. I know in my heart that I was actually born to be a beach beauty, sitting somewhere on my lawn chair in front of my cabin on the beach with the sun beaming down on me while I write amazing stories to tantalize all who read.

However, reality is that I somehow missed the flight to that warm spot and the finances for the I am forced to endure the winters. To make the best of the cold weather dumped on us this week, I will comment that as I was driving on the off ramp from the 403 by Upper Middle Drive.... I did have a moment (however very brief) to really appreciate the white snow hugging the trees and the ice pelts dangling down from the branches, glimmering and twinkling in the dark night. It truly was a beautiful site to ponder.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

This past month I have been thinking a lot about education, schools and just general knowledge. Even as we mature in age, when we learn we thrive and grow richer in personal value. It can be so exciting and rewarding. We should never stop studying, learning and exploring the education system.

Take something that you have a passion for and open up the books on it. Make friends with someone who might share the same passion and learn together. Find and study the words on the particular area you have an interest of and engage in an interactive discussion group.

Have a blast and appreciate the ability you have to read and grow.

Exercise your brains....If you don't use it...You loose it..!

Just my tid-bit for the night.....!


Saturday, January 10, 2004

Cold Cold Cold and bitterly freezing..... Oh...January must be here with February on it's way....

My skin is refuge for goosebumps and I do believe the circulation has dramatically slowed down in this body causing my feet to be chilled almost like freezer burned bread. So, what do I think of as I sit huddled on the couch with a warm blanket and a book (oh yes with a cup of warm milk and Bailey's Irish cream).... I think of the cottage. It seems as though it was just closed down for the winter and yet I am already thinking of the days when I lazily lay in my lawn chair, shorts and tee-shirt, no socks, no make-up just me as I am. The sun is beating down on the water causing glistening reflections like diamonds being dusted all over the lake. The tiny ripples twinkle at me and invite me to slowly walk in the water, stretch out my arms and just dive in.

I come out of the lake drenched with warm water and lay down as the sun's amazing rays more welcoming than a fluffy towel, dries my body and massages my muscles.

Day after day I am invited by the sun to experience nature's beauty and I lay in the sanctuary of peace, quiet and warmth by the lake.......

And suddenly the dream is over as I hear the furnace grumblingly kicking in, reminding me to ensure I pay the gas bill once again this winter.....

Friday, January 09, 2004

God's Love....I was recently away for two days in Niagara Falls with a large group of friends for get-a-way retreat. We had an awesome time, filled with swimming, walking , talking, sharing, hot tub relaxation, reading and plenty of good food. One of the things that kept me in awe was the reminder of the miracle of Niagara Falls and how we as Canadians overlook this immense beauty.

I had taken several pictures on my digital camera (e-mail me for copies) that actually turned out very nicely. One picture however, was a dismal view of the Falls, just along side of the river. It was taken at the very tip of where the falls dumps into the river. Looking at the picture it seemed to portray an endless pit and with the heavy fog in this particular area, it gave an impression of such gloom. A vision of an endless pit.

The next picture I took of the falls was incredibly beautiful. The sky was bright and the falls were so blue and powerful, absolutely breath taking.

Looking at The Falls in different directions can give us such drastically different views. In viewing these pictures, I was reminded of how often we look at situations and events going on in our lives , watching everything being dumped on top of us, possibly feeling like we are in that pit. If we were able to look away from this point of the journey and look down the path just a bit, we would see the beautiful part of the journey. We would see God's love crashing in all around us, protecting and guiding us. So powerful and mighty crashing down fearlessly over any obstacle or gloom, crushing all of our worries and heartaches. The mist and the beautiful waters flowing over and cleansing us.

On the journey, remember to look slightly ahead to the other side of the river and you will see a beautiful view, the strength and power of God's love, and possibly a blessing you have been waiting for..........

Thursday, January 08, 2004

The Journey.... As I sit here once again with an injury that keeps me house bound, I have yet to further discover more things about myself than I care to. I am a complainer when I can't produce something. Maybe I am just simply a complainer. I can't sit still. I dislike being "grounded". I can't stop long enough to rest unless forced. This is good for me.... read, reflect and find out that I am so less than the perfect person I perceive myself as being...haha....

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Well, it's a new year. Thank goodness. Dec. 31 at about 11:00 p.m. I realized that I avoid New Year's Eve celebration like the plague and wondered why. I have in the past sat on New Year's eve thinking of the events of the year - pondering the good and the bad. However, I recognized that I was reflecting more on the bad than the good, hence my apprehension for celebration. I attempted a change of thought process and decided that on New Year's Eve I need to focus on a NEW year...not the PAST year. is to a new mind set.

I was thinking about "happiness" this week and was going to elaborate on the ways we go about achieve our perceived notion of happiness but decided to leave you with this note.

'Happiness is a JOURNEY not a DESTINATION".

Welcome 2004!