Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Four months of winter........really?

We all know that winter is far beyond the three month season it is capsuled into. Winter started a month ago and will go beyond the month of March. I seriously cringe at the thought of icier cold nights.

I was sitting here imagining vivid visions of winter moments. In the back of my distant thoughts, I visualize crisp snow telling a story of beauty through the glistening molecules of dusty snow twinkling as my eye skims the front lawn. It reminds me of the knowing wink from an old man's eye as he holds close to him a most protected secret thought.

I quickly dash my thoughts to thick blue ice stretched across the lake daring and enticing me to slide across the open area under the bright blinding sun. I watch the skater dance across the frosty patch as warm breath from her nostrils circle through the cold night winter air as her razor sharp blades scrapped particles of ice to the side of her skate. Her dance comes to a sudden halt as she looks behind her to the reflection of the moon sliver.

I open the window for a breath of winter air and stretch out my warm arm in an attempt to provide a welcoming resting place for the snow flakes that tingle as they land. The flag above the window ripples in stages from the bold cutting wind breaking the silence of the evening .

The neighbour carries his snow frozen Christmas tree from the open trunk of his clunky pick-up truck to the seasonally decorated front door. He reaches with great difficulty to grasp the bitterly frozen brass door handle that sticks to his glove as he attempts to slide through the front entrance as he is met with the sweet savory smell of hot apple cider brewing on the iron oven. He carefully balances and drops the tree to the cold ceramic floor and gently swipes the newly gathered snow from his weather beaten coat. He kicks off the mandatory winter work boots as the frozen laces slap into the wall.

His little girl gallops back from the kitchen with newly baked short bread candy dusted cookies planted into her hand and she eagerly delivers the crumpled ones she has saved for her dad. Her blonde curly locks snuggle tightly into his neck as he swoops his most precious daughter into the safety of his arms.

Together they imagine the finished newly decorated tree in their family room and share a moment of Christmas excitement. A gingham decoration theme is planned in an effort to create a jolly country atmosphere. The moments are magical.

Christmas carrollers stroll cautiously arm in arm through the neighbour hood in hopes of bringing heartfelt joy to many. The street lamps shed a foggy light over the tiny village as they pass their way through.

I slide over on the wooden street bench and look up to the silvery stars in awe of this created world.

Winter with it's delivered ice, snow, wind, pelts of rain and dull dreary days only lends character to just one more winter in Canada. Let's rest and enjoy the truly mystical moments of winter.


Monday, December 05, 2005

And she leaves me.......

No, it is not the journey of the guy reading a Dear John letter... it is the heart of a mother who's daughter leaves home in pursuit of a new life. She doesn't just leave home for this new home a few hours away, she leaves for an adventure on the other side of this vast country.

With the waving of her slender hand and hugging of her anxious arms, she steps into the secure area of the airport. She takes one slight look back, smiles and abrupty turns ahead looking for the next direction. Her tired mom catches a glimpse of a huge smile joined with shining eyes of the daughter and watches the silhouette until she can't see her any more.

There is no room for warm tears in the mother's eyes, as heavy dread, emptiness and shaky fear fills her heart to capacity. There is not a moment of shared excitement for this journey. There is only the shared reminant smell of skid marks from the heels of her runners as she holds on to the handles of the wall too tightly in an attempt to hold her back.

Three eventual months later from the generous hearts of her precious children and loyal friends, the mother herself now slips through the buzzing security gates, embarking on her own journey to join her daughter for a brief vacation in this part of the land her daughter has discovered.

She is anxious for reassurance that her daughter is well and safe, and in hopes that the journey daughter has embarked upon might be less than what young daughter expected, so she can briskly wisk her back to the right side of the country. The side she thinks baby daughter should inhabit in this huge world. She pockets slight fears that may find a struggling young lady, screaming silently to be rescued, yet one too stubborn to come home. What she surprisingly finds is a resilient young woman who is possibly facing frustration, confusion and hesitance, yet beautifully determined and strong as she calculates and designs the place her life is destined to be in the journey.

What the mother doesn't expect in the field of possibilities, is the respect and admiration she begins to experience as she begins to know her daughter through a wider lens in the camera that has been taking pictures. She is startled to see a wavering reflection of the woman she pictured herself being 30 or so years ago. The black and white portrait flashes by her, far back in time to the flickering dreams and burning hopes she once made a small home for in her own heart. The whisper of wisdom begins to echo in the halls of her thoughts. Her heart races up and down like the effects of a crashing avalanche.

This is not the first time one of her daughters left home in pursuit of her own illustrated life. It is not the first time she stored a throbbing heart of hard fear and emptiness as a child flew off. It is a similar repeat of the toppled nest from a few years ago when special daughter oldest flapped her gentle wings causing waves of air that threw her off balance. How is it that she forgot that drumming fear? Was it that fear had been subsided because first daughter spread her wings and eventually flew back safely to re-nest with much life experience under her wings? It is that daughter grew into a beautiful, strong and worldly young lady filled with a passion and direction she might not otherwise have opened herself up for. Did she forget the tremblings of worry when daughter oldest stepped out into the world. She respected trusted the judgement of daughter oldest. She continually kept daughter oldest in her thoughts and dreams as she embarked on her own special journey. How did she forget the sun that beamed down on the journey for daughter oldest, like glistening sparkles similar to dancing diamonds?

Baby daughter will too return home a new creature. The flashing camera will snap a vision of little daughter resembling the bright peacock with her wings open wide displaying a marvelous newly painted canvas, almost startling to the eye. A canvas that she will gallantly flash in exhilerated accomplishment, just as oldest daughter taught her.

May God bless both daughters on different sides of the world in their very specific journeys. May God keep mother sane.

To my beautiful incredible daughters.