What Happened:

To my beautiful flower garden that Tim made for me?  Maybe it has dissapeared because I have for a while... Time to write...

The rain summer this is getting to everyone these days. It's dark, bleak, and darn awful. Certainly this summer is not a reward for the icy, stormy, long cold winter we roughed through. Summer 2008 is not what any of us likely expected. We had brides who waded through hail, mud, rain and mud this summer. For the first time in a very long time, I had jeans on the other night - with a white rain coat - hat and all.

However, as I was taking pictures last weekend at the cottage - I had particular joy one day when the sun peaked out and showered us with rays of sunshine. As the day neared an end I attempted to capture every moment of the sun's rays - right up to the setting over the hills.

Enjoy!

When we least expect it....
Life just keeps happening. I get up in the morning with so much intention and by the end of the month (after many mornings of intention), I realize that somewhere along the line.... I just didn't get to it, whatever it was!I have attempted to write a few times this past months. I start out with a few lines and then once again face the writing "dry spell". I was encouraged by a friend to write about the "dry spell" and I think I tried... but faced little success.

And then sometimes when we least expect it....Today I received a note from my one daughter. She shared that sometimes she didn't really see things and sometimes doesn't say much - but she thinks I am a big part of the "spark" she carries in life. I was very touched and humbled by her words. I joked a bit inside thinking... "oh no - her crazy and passionate personality is my fault"!. After the chuckle, I was more humbled by my ability to effect who she is and who she could and will be.

A racing thought entered my mind, if only I could start over with all four of my children. Start over with a purpose and plan of how I was going to guide their walk, encourage each of them in their individuality, shape them to incredible heights with my utmost ability. If only.....I think about the "silver lining" of who each of us really are. The lining that lies quietly below the worldly elements of who we are in reaction to a world around us. The protected core that is tucked safely below the human walls we create to survive the crashing waves of life. The core that shines like a precious gem. This core is the element of who we are. He created that core - do we know why?

I can only begin to imagine how our Father paces with anticipation, excitement and wonder just waiting to see what we are going to do with all He has done to ignite our individual sparks, to mould us exactly as He wants us. How touched He is when we just stop and share our hearts with him. How thrilled He is when His precious child thrives with love, passion and spark.How blessed we are that we have our Father who watches from above with more love in His heart for us than we could possibly imagine.

I am thinking about the days when I sat night by night at my computer sharing my thoughts. I have professed to have been going through a "dry" spell. I think in all reality it's not a dry spell I am in. I believe it is that my engines and thoughts are all drained after sharing those precious moments with my husband during the day and evenings. What to do... hummm... save it for the blog or hubby... I am sure hubby would be grateful to have time to rest his beautiful ears.

I have a beautiful friend who was "let-go" of her job two weeks ago. What a shock she has endured....ater many years of making her place of employment her "home" away from home. The comfortable days she shared with many friends over coffee and lunch breaks. The responsibility of handling all the telephone calls as her duty called her "the voice of .....(the company". She is now sitting at home trying to make sense of this happening. I made sense really quickly - she is blessed to have the time to truly enjoy the upcoming summer of sun and fun. Worry about the rest later I said.

Oh how shocking it is when the carpet is pulled up from under our feet and we land on out butts to make new ground. I can't wait to see what adventure comes her way!

Love Ya girl...

Cheri

Happy Birthday Brian!

This Saturday is my son's 26th birthday. "Where did those years go?" I have been asking myself. I flash back to a little skinny blond haired boy with a huge smile and sparkling blue eyes running around a soccer field. Brian always had a ball or bat in his hands since the moment he was co-ordinated enough to hold either. His second birthday gave him a plastic golf club set. He drove my mother crazy as he ran through her home hitting everything in site. Look out if you were in his way. Brian was NOT the calm child - he was very very active, bouncing from one person to the other, crashing the bottom of his crib into the floor and making all of us tired by the end of the day. I remember the day his friend came running to the door screaming that Brian was hurt badly. He had been riding his bike and drove head first into a cable box. I found him sprawled on the front lawn grass of a neighbour's house. The skin on his legs and arms , torn open bleeding and oozing. That was not the first time his injuries had my stomach doing flip flops. There was the time he was playing soccer and another kid playing overkilled on his kick and instead of just kicking the ball, got Brian directly in the eye. Within one minute (no exaggeration) Brian's eye and forehead was extended double the size with a deep colour of blue/purple bruising. Then there was the time he was coming home from school running through the school yard (on February's solid ice) and slipped, fell backwards and came home with an egg size lump - again purple/blue/red blood colour.

Brian was just not a vehicle for accidents, he was so cute. His hair was white blond, he was tall and tanned and absolutely adorable. His sense of humour was always evident. I miss the little boy but love the big man he's become. His sense of humour is still there, his white blond hair has changed into mousy blond. I don't get the hugs I used to and he no longer asks me to tickle his back....but he's the awesome wonderful person he's always been.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG GUY!

Mom

May 30, 2007
Today or tomorrow is my Aunt's birthday... I must remember to call her. It is very very hot and muggy tonight. I won't complain. I would however love a fresh blowing of cool air...just for a little while. If you could have anything you wished for today...what would it be????

xxoo
Night.

Well.. I don't know what to say to my friends...those who have somehow managed to still check out to see if I have poked my head out from under the rocks. The truth is ... I have been suffering from a dry spell...maybe not so much a dry spell...just a busy spell. I have decided to start writing again.... bear with me as I start the process.......

My words of wisdom today are:

love, laugh and dont take life so seriously....

Those words of wisdom are for me more than you....haha!

Stay tuned....

xxoo
Cheri

Sons... and mothers....... all in one sentence. There was a book I read once or twice or a hundred times.... it always reminds me of my sons. I'll love you always....

I loved you both the day you were born, I loved you as you learned to crawl, I loved you as you learned to walk and talk. I loved you when you exchanged me for the friend down the street, I loved you when you rebelled. I loved you when you pulled away, I loved you when you tried to find your way back. I loved you when you didn't want or know how to love me. I loved you as I wait for you to love me. I'll love even when you find your real love. I'll love you with a smile when you stop to love back.

So I write..and I get no comments...Hmmmmm... I check every day for a comment...still none. Oh, that I guess is what I deserve after deserting you!

I shall wait for a comment so I can be inspired to write more... now it's your fault...haha....

Night.......
Sweet dreams of the impending spring weather!

So a few of you have asked "where did you go". Not sure I went anywhere actually... life just got in the way of my routine ritual of writing each evening. It continues to surpise me when I hear - "you haven't written in a long time". I didn't really think any of you were still reading! That must mean it was half way interesting to log on and see what was on the chalk board for the day.

As I am writing away here I looked out the window and I saw a flock of black birds flying off into the sky combating the winds and light blowing snow as they flew into their journey - slightly being pushed back as they pushed forward. It reminded me of the willful determination many of us have in our make-up. I am quite intrigued by my own general determination. For me, it has not always a beneficial trait to have as I have managed to push the journey through determination and not necessarily see the light as to what principle I am being determined about. That determination has stopped me from evaulating whatever journey I am on. I get so focused on being detmined and not giving in, that I often forget the end result. I have to determine a way to evaulate my determination focus. What about you?

Anyway, that's just on my mind these days. So... I share that I have been distracted from writing as I have been "determingly" nurturing a love relationship - that has taken precident over my daily writing. It's been awesome directing my focus in that direction. There has been lots of fun, joy and interesting events. Mostly, I have been blessed with a future marriage to a wonderful man. I shall share the wedding journey as it unfolds.

For now I leave you with thoughts of the impending spring waiting to burst from the skies. Soon we will feel the dethawing of the land beneath our feet, warming of the air, tips of greenery budding from the gardens, rain, flowers, visions of children running through play gounds with coats and hats thrown to the ground and noise and chatter ehoing through the playgrounds. Need I mention the outdoor patios filled with tanned people, and smells of barbequed hamburgers and cool beer.

Cheri

Four months of winter........really?

We all know that winter is far beyond the three month season it is capsuled into. Winter started a month ago and will go beyond the month of March. I seriously cringe at the thought of icier cold nights.

I was sitting here imagining vivid visions of winter moments. In the back of my distant thoughts, I visualize crisp snow telling a story of beauty through the glistening molecules of dusty snow twinkling as my eye skims the front lawn. It reminds me of the knowing wink from an old man's eye as he holds close to him a most protected secret thought.

I quickly dash my thoughts to thick blue ice stretched across the lake daring and enticing me to slide across the open area under the bright blinding sun. I watch the skater dance across the frosty patch as warm breath from her nostrils circle through the cold night winter air as her razor sharp blades scrapped particles of ice to the side of her skate. Her dance comes to a sudden halt as she looks behind her to the reflection of the moon sliver.

I open the window for a breath of winter air and stretch out my warm arm in an attempt to provide a welcoming resting place for the snow flakes that tingle as they land. The flag above the window ripples in stages from the bold cutting wind breaking the silence of the evening .

The neighbour carries his snow frozen Christmas tree from the open trunk of his clunky pick-up truck to the seasonally decorated front door. He reaches with great difficulty to grasp the bitterly frozen brass door handle that sticks to his glove as he attempts to slide through the front entrance as he is met with the sweet savory smell of hot apple cider brewing on the iron oven. He carefully balances and drops the tree to the cold ceramic floor and gently swipes the newly gathered snow from his weather beaten coat. He kicks off the mandatory winter work boots as the frozen laces slap into the wall.

His little girl gallops back from the kitchen with newly baked short bread candy dusted cookies planted into her hand and she eagerly delivers the crumpled ones she has saved for her dad. Her blonde curly locks snuggle tightly into his neck as he swoops his most precious daughter into the safety of his arms.

Together they imagine the finished newly decorated tree in their family room and share a moment of Christmas excitement. A gingham decoration theme is planned in an effort to create a jolly country atmosphere. The moments are magical.

Christmas carrollers stroll cautiously arm in arm through the neighbour hood in hopes of bringing heartfelt joy to many. The street lamps shed a foggy light over the tiny village as they pass their way through.

I slide over on the wooden street bench and look up to the silvery stars in awe of this created world.

Winter with it's delivered ice, snow, wind, pelts of rain and dull dreary days only lends character to just one more winter in Canada. Let's rest and enjoy the truly mystical moments of winter.

Night............

And she leaves me.......

No, it is not the journey of the guy reading a Dear John letter... it is the heart of a mother who's daughter leaves home in pursuit of a new life. She doesn't just leave home for this new home a few hours away, she leaves for an adventure on the other side of this vast country.

With the waving of her slender hand and hugging of her anxious arms, she steps into the secure area of the airport. She takes one slight look back, smiles and abrupty turns ahead looking for the next direction. Her tired mom catches a glimpse of a huge smile joined with shining eyes of the daughter and watches the silhouette until she can't see her any more.

There is no room for warm tears in the mother's eyes, as heavy dread, emptiness and shaky fear fills her heart to capacity. There is not a moment of shared excitement for this journey. There is only the shared reminant smell of skid marks from the heels of her runners as she holds on to the handles of the wall too tightly in an attempt to hold her back.

Three eventual months later from the generous hearts of her precious children and loyal friends, the mother herself now slips through the buzzing security gates, embarking on her own journey to join her daughter for a brief vacation in this part of the land her daughter has discovered.

She is anxious for reassurance that her daughter is well and safe, and in hopes that the journey daughter has embarked upon might be less than what young daughter expected, so she can briskly wisk her back to the right side of the country. The side she thinks baby daughter should inhabit in this huge world. She pockets slight fears that may find a struggling young lady, screaming silently to be rescued, yet one too stubborn to come home. What she surprisingly finds is a resilient young woman who is possibly facing frustration, confusion and hesitance, yet beautifully determined and strong as she calculates and designs the place her life is destined to be in the journey.

What the mother doesn't expect in the field of possibilities, is the respect and admiration she begins to experience as she begins to know her daughter through a wider lens in the camera that has been taking pictures. She is startled to see a wavering reflection of the woman she pictured herself being 30 or so years ago. The black and white portrait flashes by her, far back in time to the flickering dreams and burning hopes she once made a small home for in her own heart. The whisper of wisdom begins to echo in the halls of her thoughts. Her heart races up and down like the effects of a crashing avalanche.

This is not the first time one of her daughters left home in pursuit of her own illustrated life. It is not the first time she stored a throbbing heart of hard fear and emptiness as a child flew off. It is a similar repeat of the toppled nest from a few years ago when special daughter oldest flapped her gentle wings causing waves of air that threw her off balance. How is it that she forgot that drumming fear? Was it that fear had been subsided because first daughter spread her wings and eventually flew back safely to re-nest with much life experience under her wings? It is that daughter grew into a beautiful, strong and worldly young lady filled with a passion and direction she might not otherwise have opened herself up for. Did she forget the tremblings of worry when daughter oldest stepped out into the world. She respected trusted the judgement of daughter oldest. She continually kept daughter oldest in her thoughts and dreams as she embarked on her own special journey. How did she forget the sun that beamed down on the journey for daughter oldest, like glistening sparkles similar to dancing diamonds?

Baby daughter will too return home a new creature. The flashing camera will snap a vision of little daughter resembling the bright peacock with her wings open wide displaying a marvelous newly painted canvas, almost startling to the eye. A canvas that she will gallantly flash in exhilerated accomplishment, just as oldest daughter taught her.

May God bless both daughters on different sides of the world in their very specific journeys. May God keep mother sane.

To my beautiful incredible daughters.
Love,
Mommy

xxoo

The awesome power of aeceptance...
I was sitting sipping on tea this afternoon when I was thinking about the the many true friends I have had the honour of being blessed with. You know, the ones that love you just because of you, flaws and all. Celebrate the friends that come through for you no matter what, where, when and why.

I want to share a great momentsI had recently experienced. I had been driving to church a few weeks ago, rushing and grumbling about the longer drive than I cared to face, my tired state and the grumbling went on and on..... I finally reached the parking lot, jumped out of the car ( it was raining adding to my grumblings), walked in the front doors and into the community room where we worship. I took a sigh and headed to a chair to put my purse and items down.....when one of the little guys from his seat on the counter of the food galley, turned around and with an incredibly huge smile and dancing eyes shouted out to me the most welcoming "Hi Cheri" I have ever heard him give me. He said a few other cool lthings, but it was his beaming smile and huge happy brown eyes that lifted me higher than I can explain. Here was this little guy sharing with me the joy he was feeling in his heart. This little guy, Liam, will never know what he did for my spirits that morning, but I will treasurer that moment for a long, long time. I wish it was possible to pour that emotional moment into a jar and hand it out to everyone I meet.

I hope that during my journey, I can be a tool in lifting the spirits of others who cross my path and that I might be able to add joy and friendship beyond their expectation.

Thanks Liam!

Cold weather.... who needs it anyway? What brings people from Florida to live in Toronto? What brings people from anywhere warm to live in Canada? I just don't get it. Well, in all reality there is much I just don't get, but cold weather I know I will never get!

However, I do see some benefits to cold weather. First of all, it kind of forces me personally to hybernate, do laundry, watch t.v., read more, rest and just plain hang out at home. There is some good in that I guess. Reflection, cooking for the family and friends, and maybe just getting back into blogging. I run way too much and think too little in the summer. Although too much thinking for me can be dangerous too!

Anyway, I feel the wind blowing colder each day this week. I hear the whistling of the air as it swirls around the windows in my bedroom. I catch myself day dreaming about the sounds of the rain crashing on the windows in the livingroom forcing me to run juming into my warm blankets. I am craving the crackling of a warm fire, dimmed lights, huddles of blankets, pillows, popcorn, chips, chocolate bars and a few DVD's. I imagine the white lights already dancing on the Christmas tree in my livingroom. I smell the Christmas turkey cooking.

I think winter is on it's way....slowly creeping down the narrow pathway by my house soon to swirl around the front step into my livingroom. Steel bars and locked doors are not going to keep this monster away!

Have a fun day!

Happy Thanksgiving......

I am sitting here Thanksgiving morning looking out my front window. I am in awe of the beauty fall brings. The leaves around me are greeny-yellow, orange and beige on the tree in front of my window. It appears cold and brisk this morning with a slight wind making the leaves on this tree dance. If I listened closely I am sure I could hear them sing. Dry leaves are gathering on the curbs of the neighbouring properties, piling up in anticipation of the young kids jumping in them. What an incredibly beautiful time of year. This has to be my favorite season. As much as I anticipate summer and enjoy the sunshine and lazy days by the beach, there is nothing that beats the incredible beauty of fall.

I am sitting here reflecting over the past year with awe in all the year has delivered to my door step. I have beautiful, safe, healthy children each on their individual journeys. I have peace, love, contentment and lots to look forward to. Sit still and count YOUR blessings. Pray with thanks and gratefulness. Stop and take time today to love the people you are closest to.

Happy Thanksgiving......

Well...I posted and I have not impressed anyone...so I am thinking maybe pictures will do the talking for me... at least for the interim until I can figure something really astounding to say.....

O.K. I admit I have had a dry spell because I truly have not had much to say. Maybe I have had lots to say, but just couldn't quite get the words out. However, I have spent alot of time in quiet reflection and thankfulness of so many blessings these past months. There has truly not been a day recently when I have not thanked God specifically for all He has provided for in my life, especially this past year. I listened to the radio tonight as the announcer was reflecting on a devistated country watching them on their knees praying for strength. I was overwhelmed as often it is only from tragedy that many pray for anything, let alone strength to make it through the next day. I wonder how many people really pray with faith and belief.

I am sitting here at my desk looking out into a dark street of my neighbourhood, it is after midnight. It is very quiet tonight, not a noise to be heard except the crisp croaks of crickets. If the neighbour didn't have her outside lights on, I would think I was at the cottage surrounded by total peace. What a priviledge to know I can even be at a place of such comfort. I can't help but reflect on the thousands of standed, desperate people in the U.S. right now who need to rest their weary bodies and feel the comfort of a warm bed with clean sheets and blankets. A cricket can't even be heard in the flood destroyed streets. I have had a hard time reading the newspapers as my heart aches for the children and adults suffering right now. I am unable to even begin to comprehend the devistation in our neighbouring country.

This sadness brings to my mind the many things I take forgranted. It continues to remind me to be thankful daily for the many blessings I don't even think about. Tonight when I retire this aching body to a warm comfortable bed, the sheets will smell fresher and feel more welcoming than I could have imagined a few weeks ago.

MOI

Postings.......
Anyone out there? Hello? IS anyone out there?!!

I have figured out that when the counter on my blogger stopped at 110 - that I somehow lost the competitive spirit I have. All of a sudden there was no record to beat or meet the challenge of. Well, o.k. maybe that wasn't the problem - maybe it was my lazy spirit these days. Or it could have been exhaustion. Well, guess what - I am still exhausted and unchallenged, but I thought I better get to it and write. It is been yet another month since I wrote and I am embarased.

What is there for me to write about this beautiful day - well the first thing that comes to mind is uniformity. I was thinking today that we are as a human race somewhat conditioned into being uniformed. Things have to look right, look good and line up. I was at a builder's clearance place today looking for flooring to take over where my livingroom carpets have left off. I found bundles of mix-matched hardwood and laminate floorings. I was thinking I could mix and match the colours and textures to somehow create a uniquely designed floor. It could look quite good if it was designed carefully. Then again, it could look absolutley awful. What might look worse is the idea my friend Louise had of putting pieces of board down in a mix-matched design. Then I knew I lived in a somewhat uniformed world - yes even me. Hmmmmm... why can't I live on a limb and just go crazy and create something totally un-uniformed?

Night.....................

The passion.......
I think I've had a block of some sort these days, okay - months. Usually I write when I am feeling passionate about some issue or event. I guess I have been in a bit of a passion slump these days. Nothing has really triggered my imagination. And yes, maybe I wanted you girls to miss me, just a bit!

I have lots to share though - so maybe that's a good way to get back into the grove. My friend Sheryl has had an adventure to share. She left her family (of FIVE children) and husband to spend about 5 days in Myrtle Beach (sp?) a few weeks ago. She has never been on an airplane by herself - and in fact has I beleive only flown once. I was very excited for her adventure - I knew this would have a good impact on her - just being away from FIVE kids would have been enough - yet to travel ALONE ! YIPPEE for her. She had a good time too! Wonder if she missed the kids and husband ! (not?)

I myself have had the desire these past months to go to an airport hand in my free travel voucher and just GO. Anywhere. However without the cash in the wallet to pay for a hotel once I got where I was going is kind of a stumbling block......!

Joseph is going on a mission trip to Big Trout Lake a native Indian reserve - which is way way way way up north in Hudson Bay area. This has been the focus of our household the past few months. He attends training sessions Sunday mornings each week and they are now starting the packing process. The airlines up in this "neck of the woods" brings their supplies in gradually as they have room in the plane - that way it saves on the cost to send the group up. There is a total of 19 youth and adults that are going on this mission trip. They will spend time working with the native children, sharing special times with them. I am very excited for this opportunity for Joseph - he will experience a part of life that not many of us get the chance to. Last weekend they spent the weekend on a double decker bus raising awareness for this mission trip and raised funds to fund the mission trip.

My mind was wandering trying to share some thoughts when as I am sitting here looking out my home office window , I see a woman putting her little boy in his stroller for a morning walk(cute little guy with yellow rubber boots on). I think of how warm and comfortable his life probably is - how he knows without a doubt that his mom and dad love him. How awesome to just KNOW he is loved. Every morning she probably reaches into his crib to pick him up and hold him close, cuddling and kissing him. Now dad is walking behind them with their other little boy - peddling away on his little bike. They walk together as a family. I guess I thought I wouldn't have much to share today - but in reality if I just looked around me - I'd have so much to share - as each of you would! So for today my friends I share - stop the race of the day - and just sit back and enjoy those kids - laugh with them, walk with them and make family a focus for the day!

Shortly I am off to visit friends who are my family for a barbeque!

Have a relaxing and wonderful day!